Once upon a time, I foolishly quit the job of my dreams and moved 1,627 miles away, leaving my family and friends behind to chase after a boy I thought I loved.
He got an incredible job offer and made me a whole lot of empty promises. No, I was not engaged, and to be honest with you, if you’re a woman wondering whether or not to shake up your life for the man you’re dating, I highly suggest securing a ring or a marriage certificate first.
Because moving across the country for a man is pretty high risk, and that’s why I can understand where this guy’s girlfriend is coming from in the recent demand she made in order to relocate to a new city with him.
This 24-year-old man has been with his 22-year-old girlfriend for more than two years now, and she’s pretty amazing. Not too long ago, his girlfriend kicked off her career and is making $165,000 with a remote job.
As for him, he’s working on completing his master’s and will be moving to Chicago in a couple of months for a job that’s going to pay him approximately $290,000.
They both live with their parents in South Carolina at the moment. His girlfriend is in banking, and he’s a software engineer.
“When we talked about us moving to Chicago, I said I would pay the full rent for a 2-bedroom apartment for us. But she said she doesn’t want to move in together because her parents wouldn’t be happy, and she feels moving in together is something for married couples,” he explained.
“I don’t want to push her, and I respect her decision. Here’s the problem: she now expects me to help pay her rent by splitting it. Her reasoning is that she’s making a ‘sacrifice’ to move to the same city as me, since she could also move to California, work onsite, and make an extra $20K as a housing bonus.”
“She said she would rather move to California and do [a long-distance relationship] if I’m not willing to split her rent. I kinda get where she is coming from, but I feel it’s disrespectful because she’s not financially struggling.”
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He does think it’s ridiculous to have to pay for his own apartment, and half of a separate one for his girlfriend. Back when they began dating, they made the decision to follow a traditional format where the man is the provider.
Meaning, he’s the one who pretty much pays for everything, and he’s lived up to that standard that they set. He pays for all of their dates and vacations with the money he makes from his part-time job.
He doesn’t think his girlfriend is using him for money, because they were both poor when they met. As soon as his girlfriend landed her full-time job a couple of months back, she pitched in to help pay for their dates.
He certainly appreciates this gesture, as he’s sort of unemployed, given that he’s finishing up school. But anyway, he’s bent out of shape over the principle of his girlfriend’s request, not the money itself.
“It’s not about the money. I’m just frustrated about the principle of contributing to her rent when she can clearly handle it herself,” he continued.
“Other than this, our relationship has been amazing, and I really don’t want it to turn into a bigger issue. How can I solve this without causing tension?”
I think his girlfriend is subtly suggesting that he buy her an engagement ring. She probably (wisely) wants some kind of commitment before uprooting her life for his job, and I don’t blame her.
If their relationship is meaningful enough that he wants his girlfriend to move to Chicago with him, it makes sense for her to know that he’s ready to marry her in the near future.
He needs to ask himself if he’s prepared to get engaged, because if he is, he should do it, and then they can move to Chicago. I’m sure she would compromise and live together with him with a ring on her finger.
If he’s not ready to get down on one knee and propose to this girl, he should set her free.
What advice do you have for him?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
