What would you do if, after spending years dating someone and discussing marriage, they sprung it on you that they might not be able to remain with you because it would put a stop to their lineage?
This 27-year-old woman is Italian, and she moved to Canada for her job. Several months after relocating, she met her boyfriend, with whom she hit it off instantly.
Her boyfriend’s family is from a Cree tribe, and they are Native. She’s been with her boyfriend for five years, and things have been wonderful.
They’re super supportive of one another, and she still feels the butterflies every time her boyfriend looks at her. Her whole family adores her boyfriend, too, since he’s an amazing man.
“I truly feel like the luckiest woman ever to have found him, and my happiness was uncontainable when he suggested getting married. But then things changed when he told his family our plan,” she explained.
“First of all, they never liked me that much. The few times I met them, even though I tried to be the most educated and friendly I could possibly be, they [couldn’t] seem to stand me, but it didn’t really bother me that much, as my boyfriend was always on my side.”
Her boyfriend does have a tough relationship with his immediate family members. His mom is definitely a touchy subject, and he left their family’s reservation in order to be able to pursue his dream career, which didn’t go over well with her.
Although her boyfriend no longer lives on the reservation, that didn’t stop him from being close to his culture and where he came from.
She thinks that’s beautiful as well as admirable, and she would never want to do anything to impact that or take it away from him.
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Her boyfriend called his family to tell them about his intention to marry her, which didn’t go as he had expected it would.
“…They were immediately against it as they said, it would irreparably ruin the effort they put into keeping their traditions alive, ‘stain’ the blood of his future children, and that he had to choose between them and me,” she added.
“He, at first, argued and kept defending our decision with passion, but I noticed, especially in the following days, that he was starting to have doubts.”
“When I tried to confront him about it and help him find a solution, he told me that I couldn’t understand how he was feeling, and he needed time to think.”
It has crushed her spirit to have her boyfriend go so quickly from elated about being with her to wondering if marriage is the right thing, as it will put an end to his Cree lineage.
It’s left her grief-stricken to know that her boyfriend is reconsidering being with her over this, but in the end, she wants him to make the decision he can live with and do what will make him happy.
Whatever he ends up choosing will leave someone in the equation hurt, whether that’s her, her boyfriend, or his family.
“I obviously want him for me, but I cannot stand even just the thought of seeing him live while mourning his family and community for the rest of our [lives],” she continued.
“Has anyone faced a similar problem? What did you do? Because, as for now, I really don’t know how to act.”
I think all she can do is give him time to think about how he would like to move forward. He’s been with her for five years, so that should have given him plenty of time to consider that their future children would, of course, be half Italian and half Cree.
This is extra complicated given the strained relationship he has with his family. In the meantime, it might be a good idea for her to learn more about his culture and try to have conversations about what it could look like keeping their potential/future kids tied to that.
What advice do you have for her?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
