Losing both parents in a single moment is a trauma no teenager should ever have to face, but for one woman, the real nightmare began after the funeral ended.
Back when this woman was only 15, her mom and dad tragically passed away in a car accident, and her brother was 18 when it happened.
She and her brother had no living grandparents, and they were not close enough to their extended family members to ask for help, so they were all alone.
“After the funeral, a social worker explained that my brother could try to become my guardian, but it would mean court, stable housing, proving income, school stuff, therapy appointments, all of it,” she explained.
“He had just started community college, worked part-time in a warehouse, and lived in a tiny apartment our parents had been helping pay for.”
“One of my dad’s friends told him he was barely an adult and that I needed stability, not some broke kid trying to play parent and living in a mess.”
Her brother looked down at the floor while her dad’s friend gave him that speech. After it was over, her brother said he could not take her with him, and he allowed her to go into foster care.
She bounced around to three different foster homes before she aged out of the system and was on her own. While she can’t say the homes she lived in were horror-film-worthy, they weren’t that welcoming either.
In one of the houses she lived in, another kid harassed her. In time, she quit answering her brother’s phone calls because every voicemail he left her made her feel like garbage.
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“He’d say he missed me, then I’d go back to packing my stuff into garbage bags. I’m 25 now. I’m married, have two kids, and have a [decent] job. I built a life without him,” she added.
“A few months ago, he messaged me. He said he had a lot of problems in life since that time, like alcohol abuse, but now he’s been sober for almost two years, has a steady job, and knows he failed me.”
“He said he doesn’t expect forgiveness, but wants one chance to apologize without excuses. He also offered money, help with the kids, or to stay away if that gives me peace. I told him, you were the only family I had, and you gave me away.”
Her brother didn’t deny that, and she hung up the phone. Her husband says she is not beholden to her brother, while her friends insist that her brother was a teen, grieving a huge loss, and she’s unfairly holding him responsible for not wanting to play parent.
She is aware that her brother was too young to assume responsibility for her, and his life was a disaster because he was broken from losing their mom and dad.
But at the same time, she was 15, and he was all that she had left in the world. She’s left wondering if she’s wrong for not wanting to have her brother in her life after he didn’t step up for her.
I understand why she’s hurt, but I do think she’s being mean to her brother, as he was also a kid when their parents passed away, and in the same boat as her.
There was no winning in their situation, and I believe her brother did his best by trying to stay in touch while also attempting to keep a roof over his head.
They both have been through unimaginably rough times, and she should give him the chance to start fresh and form a new, better relationship with her.
What do you think?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
