There are so many opinions out there on how long you should wait before sleeping with someone you just met if you plan on getting them to stick around.
So would you feel used if you broke your rule of not sleeping with someone so quickly into knowing them, only to have them turn around and ghost you?
This 27-year-old woman recently went out on an amazing first date with a 29-year-old man who has a history of ghosting her. But she had only been speaking to him for a handful of weeks before he vanished, so when he reappeared, she didn’t hold it against him.
Several months after he popped back up again, he asked her to go on a date with him. She agreed, and it was incredible. The sparks were flying, they got along great, and she had a blast with him.
Then continued speaking to one another, and they talked about him coming to stay with her one night for their second date.
“…However, I prefaced this with how I would rather be straightforward and said to him that I can’t do one-night stands, so if he’s going to ghost me after and not want to see me again, I can’t mentally do that because it’ll make me think something’s wrong with me, and I still wanna do the other stuff we had [spoken] about doing too,” she explained.
“He replied, saying that it’s best to be straightforward and that he thinks I’m very cool and nice, so he wouldn’t be in the business of ghosting me after.”
He came to see her, they had a fun night together, and she slept with him four times. The following morning, she walked him to the train station, where he kissed her goodbye. Because of all that, she thought they were good.
But then she had to text him first that day, which was unusual. While he did respond, she could feel that the mood had changed, and he was slowly ghosting her.
Sign up for Chip Chick’s newsletter and get stories like this delivered to your inbox.
He wasn’t interested in keeping their conversation flowing; his answers were short, and as the week went by, things got even uglier.
She finally asked him if he wanted to go out on another date instead of texting, and he said he could. She pressed him further, and he just told her he would let her know the next time he was free.
Later on, she asked him what was going on and whether he was ghosting her, to which he said he was simply living his life. So, yes.
She called him out for acting off, and he defended himself. She felt like she was going crazy, even though she could tell he had already gotten what he wanted out of her.
She stated that the vibe had shifted, and she had made it clear she would feel insecure if he acted this way after she slept with him. She wanted to know if she had done something wrong, since their physical connection was fire.
He left her on read, and she’s left feeling horrible about herself. She keeps doubting what they had.
“Which is exactly why I told him before he came down that I couldn’t do one-night stands. I feel so stupid for taking him at face value and believing him when he said he wouldn’t do this, but things seemed so natural and easy, I thought he did like me,” she added.
“It’s not even so much about him as it is just this feeling that something’s wrong with me. I honestly just want to completely give up on dating, which I had, TBF, like I was so, so fine being single and just minding my own business.”
“Why do men feel the need to come and disturb your peace for no good reason? And how can I get past this feeling of being used/not good enough, haha?”
I’m not going to beat her up here, but chemistry isn’t everything, and the next time she meets a guy she likes, she should spend more time getting to know them before jumping into bed with them.
That’s pretty much the only way you can guarantee you don’t get used or hurt: by making sure you can tell what someone’s character actually is before going all the way.
Going on one single date with someone isn’t enough to really know them. From here on out, she should go out on several dates before moving forward like this.
Also, I don’t love that he already ghosted her once; she shouldn’t have entertained him again, because he obviously wasn’t that into her.
She should just chalk this experience up to you live, and you learn. And now she can do better next time.
What advice do you have for her?
You can read the original post below.
By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
