A lot of affairs out there have a beginning and an end, but this one was in the background during every major milestone of her life. Is it possible to love someone who promised you forever while their heart belonged to someone else?
This 29-year-old woman heartbreakingly discovered that her 34-year-old husband has been cheating on her for two and a half years without her even knowing.
He carried out his affair during their engagement, wedding, and pregnancy. He didn’t even stop after they welcomed their baby into the world.
“The other woman eventually contacted me and sent me screenshots/messages explaining that he told her he was single, that I was just his ‘roommate’ or ‘baby mom,’ and later claimed we were supposedly in an open marriage,” she explained.
“He told her he loved her, called them ‘soul tied,’ said he wanted both of us, and continued contacting her even after she found out he was married. He brought her into our home, lied to both of us constantly, and manipulated the situation for years.”
“What makes this harder is that this wasn’t just physical. It was emotional, too. He built an entire second reality with someone else while still coming home to me every day.”
She feels completely devastated to know her husband wasn’t only hers. She’s been trying her best to wake up every day and act normal while balancing their household chores, the baby, and her job.
She feels furious, stressed, and shocked. All of those negative emotions have certainly taken a toll on her physically, and there’s so much she’s grieving: her self-esteem, her stability, and her marriage.
“My husband says he’s remorseful and wants reconciliation. Sometimes he seems to understand the damage he caused, and other times I still feel emotionally unsafe or pressured to ‘move forward’ before I’ve even processed what happened,” she added.
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It was back in the middle of February that the other woman reached out to her, and she’s spent the last three months just trying to find her way.
It’s not even that she’s desperate to save her marriage; she’s just been paralyzed by how overwhelming this all is. She isn’t sure if she wants to stay with her husband or leave him, but complicating things further is her 12-year-old stepson, whom she’s trying to avoid traumatizing.
“We have been married for a little over three years now, but together for closer to 7. I have been tested since I had some concerns postpartum that were unrelated, and I am clean (small victories),” she continued.
“I have not really spoken to anyone about this, but I am going to go to my parents after I pick up the baby tonight and talk to my mom. Also, I have a therapy appointment scheduled for next Tuesday.”
She’s wondering if there is a chance to reconcile with her husband, considering the manipulation and lies surrounding his affair. She’s also curious if she will ever stop feeling so anxious and sad.
The level of dishonesty here is astounding to me. I just can’t wrap my brain around how her husband went through with proposing to her, marrying her, and making a baby with her while having a double life with someone else.
I’m afraid he’s only sorry he got caught, and so, for all of those reasons, I’m not picturing her being happy if she stays in her marriage.
What advice do you have for her?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
