If your tent-dwelling sister lost custody of her kids, then turned around and shamed you for not having the money to take them all in, how would you feel?
This 29-year-old woman is a mom to an 11-year-old daughter. Her sister has three daughters: an 11-year-old, who is autistic, an 8-year-old, and a 6-year-old.
Three years ago, her sister lost custody, and the girls spent over a year divided up in the foster care system before her 52-year-old mom gained custody of them two years ago.
The girls have thrived with her mom, and they’re happy as well as excelling in school. Unfortunately, her mom just received bad news about her health, and it’s taking a toll on her mobility and energy.
“There is no cure. She called me last week to ask if I would take the girls so they aren’t split up in the system again. My heart sank.
I LOVE my nieces. There’s no denying that,” she explained.
“And my daughter loves her cousins. The kids all get along great. They live on the opposite side of the country, but I visit whenever possible. I’m always planning all sorts of activities and experiences for them, and encouraging them to pursue the things they love.”
“The oldest loves art, the middle child loves gymnastics, and the youngest loves Pokémon and video games. I plan things we can all do together, and I make sure they each get one-on-one time too. I would die for these girls. But I just don’t have the means to care for them full-time.”
She and her husband are low-income. They spent ten years saving up their money to buy a tiny two-bedroom townhome. There’s hardly enough room for them, so there’s no way she could squeeze the girls in there too and double the capacity.
She told her mom that she could move closer to them so she can be more directly involved in the daily care of the girls, which her mom promptly said no to.
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Her mom argued that she didn’t want to take the girls out of their school district, and she can’t just go find a brand-new doctor due to her health problems.
While the first concern doesn’t make sense to her, they do have a major health care crisis in their country, so her mom does need to stick with her doctor.
She and her husband can’t pick and move to her mom’s area, since they would have to find new jobs, and the one her husband currently has provides them with excellent benefits they literally cannot afford to give up.
“My mom is retired, so the only thing tying her to her current location is her doctor. My heart is breaking. I don’t want to lose my nieces to the system again,” she continued.
“I love the relationship we have. But I don’t see how I could sustainably take on the 3 of them full-time. My mom and my sister have been calling me heartless and [saying] that I haven’t fully thought it through, but I have. I’ve been thinking about it every day for over 3 years when my sister first lost custody.”
“…I’m going to address a couple [of] questions here. The dad is not in the picture; he has 2 other kids from 2 other women that he also walked out on. My sister is on drugs and living in a tent (but it’s got a great view of the lake!). There’s no other family that could help.”
She’s left wondering if she’s a jerk for not wanting to take on her sister’s girls.
Wow, her sister has a lot of audacity to try to call her heartless when she can’t even hang onto her own kids. The most reasonable solution here is for her mom to move closer, even if that means she will have to make a longer trip to see her doctor.
That is doable; her mom doesn’t have to get a new one, she can still see her old one, and just account for more time to travel there.
I don’t think there is a better way to handle this, unless her mom is willing to put the girls back in foster care. But to be fair, she should not uproot her life and do things that will jeopardize her financially in order to make her mom and sister happy.
What do you think?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
