A couple of months into dating, most people have a pretty good read on whether they want to keep going or not. But when both people are operating by different rules, it can definitely be hurtful.
He thought he was building something real with a girl who was still pursuing other guys. Can patience actually be a disadvantage instead of a virtue when it comes to dating and exclusivity?
This 25-year-old man has been dating a 23-year-old girl for the last three months, and they originally met on a dating app. They have been on 7 or 8 dates so far, and he thinks they have a genuine connection.
This girl always seems happy to see him; they’re playful and comfortable around one another, and there’s plenty of flirting and romance on both ends.
“I’m the type of person who naturally focuses on one person once I genuinely start liking them. Early on, I deleted my dating apps because I wasn’t interested in talking to multiple people simultaneously,” he explained.
“She told me she had deleted hers as well, although she also said she wouldn’t mind if I dated other women because we weren’t in a relationship.”
“Recently, I found out that she has been going on dates with other people. Looking back, there were a few instances where she was vague about where she was going or who she was meeting, and she recently mentioned an outing that she said I could ‘call a date.'”
Well, he definitely got upset about that. If this girl had told him from the start she wanted to continue to see other guys, he never would have pursued her in the first place.
He thinks that after investing three months into getting to know one another and going on more dates than you can count on one hand, this girl should be focusing on exploring their relationship instead of chasing after other guys.
Sign up for Chip Chick’s newsletter and get stories like this delivered to your inbox.
Although she has mentioned to him that she enjoys befriending a guy before letting the romance truly blossom between them, and she has blocked guys before for trying to rush her into a relationship.
“So I’m trying to understand whether this is simply a slower dating style than mine or a sign that we’re fundamentally looking for different things,” he added.
“What makes this difficult is that I don’t think I can handle indefinite non-exclusive dating. If I genuinely like someone, I become emotionally invested and don’t really have the desire to keep exploring other options.”
“A few questions: After 3 months and 7-8 meetups, is it reasonable to ask for clarity about where this is heading? Where do you personally draw the line between ‘moving slowly’ and ‘keeping someone as an option?'”
I do think it’s off-putting that she’s been secretive, or at the very least, evasive about seeing other men at the same time as him. And with that out of the way, three months and 7 or 8 dates is plenty of time to know whether or not you’re ready to pursue someone romantically or if you would rather keep playing the field.
I think she’s wasting his time and is not interested in a serious relationship. Since he is seeking a solid connection with a girl who’s looking to commit to him, it’s time to let her go.
What do you think?
You can read the original post below.
By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
