If your spouse agreed to be their coworker’s plus-one at a wedding without telling you, how would you feel? Would you think it crosses a line?
In July, this 45-year-old man will be celebrating nine years of marriage to his 34-year-old wife. But lately, their relationship has been marked with drama.
“She’s been caught lying about her whereabouts, was pursuing a coworker who knew she was still married and didn’t want to be an accessory to an affair, so nothing became of it, but she still lied about the details, and I found out from the guy after finding his number and reaching out that she had instigated the hookup,” he explained.
This weekend, he and his wife have their first therapy appointment, so he’s been trying not to get too angry until then. But then today, he found out that his wife had another male coworker, whom he has never heard of before now, ask her to be his plus-one to a wedding in a few weeks.
His wife said yes, but did not invite him to tag along. She also didn’t clear this with him first, either, and check that he thought her going away with another man was acceptable.
“She wasn’t even going to tell me until the day before they were going to leave because she knew I would ask why I wasn’t invited. I happened to see part of a message on her phone’s lock screen that mentioned what she should wear, so I asked,” he added.
“She claims it’s all totally above board, there’s no ulterior motives and I’m creating an issue because I’m jealous and insecure. That I couldn’t come because…I’m not on the list. I’m like, who does this? Since when do you invite someone’s wife as your plus-one to a wedding reception and not their spouse?”
“I feel like most women would automatically ask if they could bring their partner/spouse in that situation, and an overwhelming majority of husbands would not be cool with a situation like that, especially being kept in the dark intentionally and then excluded. It’s been one more alienating act stemming from a steady stream of shady [stuff] I’ve been stepping in lately.”
He thinks it could be time for him to call it quits and file for divorce, although he has thought about drawing some hard boundaries instead.
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I’m worried that his wife has already cheated on him, given her history, and she does appear to have already checked out of the marriage.
It’s not acceptable that she said yes to being her male coworker’s plus-one and hid that from him. I think it’s time to get a divorce.
What do you think he should do?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
