There’s really no way around it: being ghosted after sleeping with someone you’ve been dating is a deeply hurtful experience. It triggers a painful mix of rejection and self-doubt, often leaving you searching for answers that you may never get from them directly. And how are you supposed to deal with not having closure?
This 29-year-old woman spent a bit more than a month dating this 46-year-old man. They spoke to one another every single day without fail, and went on numerous dates.
He told her that he loved her, but then she slept with him, and he completely and utterly ghosted her.
“He would talk about the future, even things like having a baby together, and we had plans for my birthday, including an overnight trip,” she explained.
He didn’t give her any signs that he wasn’t interested in a committed relationship. He didn’t get distant; they didn’t have a fight; there was absolutely no explanation for him dropping out of her life.
But he did quit responding to her out of the blue. The last few messages she sent to him went three whole days without him opening them.
“I sent a calm message saying that if he no longer wanted to see me, I would appreciate him telling me directly. After three days, he opened the messages but never replied,” she said.
“I’ve called once, sent a few messages, and given him plenty of time. At this point, I don’t think he’s coming back, and I’m trying to move on.”
“What I’m struggling with isn’t even the rejection itself. It’s the sudden switch from daily communication, future plans, and ‘I love you’ to complete silence. I’m having a hard time reconciling those two versions of the same person.”
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She’s left wondering if she just has to figure out a way to come to terms with the fact that she will most likely never know what happened to cause this man to ghost her.
It’s a harsh reality that certain people will counterfeit a perfect connection just until they lose interest, and the cruelty of being left without closure means you’re forced to grapple with the agonizing doubt of whether any of it meant anything to them at all.
Some people really don’t care how their actions hurt other people, or they’re only out for one thing and disappear as soon as they get it.
To me, it seems like this guy love-bombed her to get what he wanted, and then that was it. It’s certainly tragic, and I think she can look back on the red flags he gave her to avoid ending up with a man like this in the future.
Because, to be fair, he did give her a bunch of red flags, and I understand it felt good in the moment, and she probably thought this was a meaningful, romantic connection, so she overlooked them.
Speaking of red flags, if someone tells you within a month of dating that they love you and want to have a baby with you, that’s not normal.
What advice do you have for her?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
