An open marriage has to come along with a commitment that everyone involved is playing by the same rules of radical honesty. But things get incredibly messy when you realize your arrangement might have actually been a cover story for someone else’s dirty little secret.
This woman has found herself in a sticky situation after opening up her marriage. She did have a boyfriend in addition to her husband for quite some time, so it’s not like she had an affair or a one-night stand.
Her husband was completely aware of her additional relationship, and this guy’s wife also knew about her. Or so that’s what he told her.
“That was always my understanding. However, some things have come out more recently that have made me seriously question that, and I’m now worried that she may not know at all and that he may have simply been cheating,” she explained.
“I don’t know for sure, but I no longer feel confident that everyone was actually informed on his side. My husband and I had been trying for a baby for several years without success and were getting ready to pursue fertility testing.”
“We genuinely didn’t think pregnancy would happen naturally. Around the time I conceived, I was with both my husband and my other partner. I did tell the other person I was pregnant as well. He seems perfectly fine with [my husband and me] raising the baby.”
So, yes, she is pregnant right now, and she does not know if the baby was fathered by her husband or her boyfriend. She won’t know that information until she gets DNA testing done.
However, it’s hitting her that there is a very real chance that this baby isn’t her husband’s. Her husband is not interested in separating and adores the baby, but he’s flip-flopping on her.
Her husband appears to be having a hard time with the baby and is not confident in how he’s going to handle his new role, or what that will be.
Sign up for Chip Chick’s newsletter and get stories like this delivered to your inbox.
“Sometimes he talks like he would simply be Dad, regardless of biology, almost like an adoptive father. Other times, he talks more like he would just be a stepdad if the baby isn’t biologically his,” she added.
“I know he’s processing a lot, and I don’t blame him, but it leaves me feeling uncertain. What I’m struggling with most is my child’s right to know where they came from.”
“I don’t want to lie to them or hide important information about [their] biological family and medical history. At the same time, if the other man’s wife really doesn’t know, confirming paternity could potentially blow up another family, and I feel awful even thinking about that.”
She’s not seeking judgment; she’s just attempting to determine what the most ethical thing to do is. If the DNA test says that her husband isn’t her baby’s dad, should she still stick to the plan of raising the baby like they are her husband’s?
Should she even tell her baby one day who their real dad is? Does her boyfriend’s decision to let her and her husband raise the baby absolve him of all responsibilities as a dad?
She’s also not sure if she should worry about the impact all of this will have on her marriage, and if there’s some way she can protect her boyfriend’s family while ensuring her kid knows the truth about how they came to be.
Well, I’m going to bet the baby is her boyfriend’s if she and her husband have not been able to have a baby after several years of trying for one.
Ethically speaking, yes, every single person wrapped up in this deserves to know the truth, including her baby and her boyfriend’s wife. She needs to reach out to this woman ASAP, because it does sound like her husband was cheating, and she was clueless.
And she has to prepare herself for another hypothetical situation: her husband very well could leave her after finding out the baby isn’t his, especially considering he can’t seem to make up his mind, leaving her a single mom.
What a mess, friends. What a mess.
What advice do you have for her?
You can read the original post below.
By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
