Chip Chick
“They never once cared about my dreams, ambitions, and achievements. Despite that, I never grew any resentment towards my sister because she was the only supportive person.”
She held these feelings to herself for years and never shared them with her parents. Then, after she left for college, her parents first started to “hint” that she would be responsible for her sister once they were gone.
After she got engaged, her parents started to push the subject and did much more than just hint at their expectations.
They pressured her to approach the subject with her fiancé. They wanted her to make sure he would accept the shared responsibility of caring for the sister when the time came.
“I respectfully told my parents neither I nor my fiancé want to have this responsibility. …I don’t wish to center my whole life around my sister once again. While I do love her dearly, I want to live my life on my own terms for once without feeling responsible for another person when it’s not my choice. I plan on helping however I can, but not completely being responsible.”
Her parents have been guilting and shaming her for her decision. So she took to Reddit for validation and support. You can read the original post on Reddit here.
My take: I think this girl loves her sister unconditionally. Although she feels neglected, she wouldn’t have wanted any less care to be given to her sister to fulfill her own needs. I understand her parent’s point of view, but caring for her older sister is not her responsibility.
There are so many ways her parents can prepare for the transition before they die. They can set up a special needs trust, research and set up public health benefits like Medicaid, find guardianship options, and so much more to give them peace of mind and provide independence, safety, and security for their daughter’s perpetual care. Tell your mom to call a social worker or make a peace offering by calling yourself.
Sweetie, you are not an AH. It’s ok to have your own life. Do not feel obligated or guilty to not want to take care of your sister for the rest of your life when it’s no responsibility of yours. Stay in her life as her sister. You’re not her mother.
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