10 Common Mistakes Newlyweds Make Without Even Realizing It
Marriage Is Difficult, And It Takes Hard Work
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You’ve finally done it – after months of pinning Pinterest boards and making deposits – you’ve had the wedding day of your dreams! Now you get to spend the rest of your life with that special someone.
While choosing the wedding colors and the cake flavor was a challenge, the real challenge was only beginning.
Here Are 10 Common Mistakes Newlyweds Make
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Marriage is hard – it takes hard work and dedication to the person you read your vows to. However, it’s those hard parts that make a marriage stronger.
So, to help you out, here are 10 common mistakes newlyweds make in the first 1-2 years. Let’s help you navigate those mistakes so your marriage comes out the other side stronger than ever.
Mistake #1: Trying To Change Your Spouse
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Just because you now wear rings does not mean you get free reign to try to change who your spouse is at their core. Surely at this point, you know who they are and were okay with it enough to marry them.
If you married them under the pretense that you could change them in the future, you are setting your marriage up for failure.
Yes – you are married and committed to each other – but focus on managing expectations rather than trying to mold your spouse into someone they aren’t.
Mistake #2: Expecting Romance To Always Be There
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During the honeymoon phase of your marriage, romance is easy to come by. However, this is usually short-lived. After some time, romance will inevitably dwindle, and you are left with the choice to love your partner and put in the work to be romantic or divorce.
Do not expect your marriage to be perfect all the time. Likewise, do not expect your relationship to be full of romance all the time. This added pressure will only make things harder for both of you.
If you feel the romance start to dwindle, try to be romantic. Plan a surprise date night. Plan a weekend trip for the two of you. Reaffirm your choice to spend the rest of your life with this special someone every day by showing gratitude and appreciation in some way – big or small.
Mistake #3: Expecting The Hollywood Happy Ending
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Real marriage is not like the movies – the fairytale romance is just that – a fairytale. Real people have quirks and traits – some you will love and some you will tolerate. Your relationship will be as “perfect” as you make it through hard work and collaboration.
Work together as a team to create your Hollywood happy ending – don’t expect it.
Mistake #4: Not Dealing With Your Monster-In-Law The Right Way
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No – you don’t have to get along with your in-laws all the time. Sometimes, you won’t see eye to eye with your spouse’s family. However, navigating that disagreement determines if this will be a marriage breaker.
If a conflict arises with an in-law, pull your spouse aside and talk with them about it. Get their opinion. Please ensure you are both on the same page and then let them help you resolve this conflict with your in-laws. The last thing you want to do is be disrespectful to your mother-in-law and your spouse, not be aware of the situation – this invites a fight with your spouse.
Make sure your spouse has a say in how to handle the disagreement. It’s not fun to have to bite your tongue when your in-law slights you, but sometimes, it is what is best at the moment. Choose your battles wisely – they are your family now, too.
Mistake #5: Keeping Your Spouse Away From Their Family
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In the same vein as mistake #4, keeping your spouse away from their family is not wise either. Family is an important part of your life.
Encourage your spouse to spend time with their family – with or without you. Do not try to alienate them and keep them all to yourself.
Mistake #6: Not Letting Your Spouse Hang Out With Their Friends
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Similar to mistake #5, your spouse had other relationships before you married. They had friends, coworkers, and acquaintances they hung out with.
Encourage your spouse to maintain those relationships even after you are married. There needs to be a balance between time with you and time with their friends/family.
Mistake #7: Complaining About Your Spouse To Others Instead Of Talking With Them
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Does your spouse do things that annoy you? For example, do they never get their dirty underwear in the laundry hamper? Do they never rinse their dishes? Do they have a habit of always leaving the toilet seat up?
Whatever it is, it is best to talk about these things with your spouse, not the general public. This means keeping social media posts and calling friends to complain about your spouse to a minimum.
This only paints your spouse and your relationship in a negative light.
Mistake #8: You Stop Dating Your Spouse
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There is a difficult phase that comes and goes in most relationships – it is called the roommate phase. In this relationship phase, you become more like roommates than lovers. You live together, but little else reminds you that you are married to this person.
Yes, you have responsibilities – but you are still a married couple – so act like it. Schedule a date night. If you can’t leave the house, try a new hobby together. You can also watch a movie neither of you has seen. You can also cook together, play a board game, or do some other activity that brings you together and reminds you that you are a couple – not roommates.
Mistake #9: Not Learning How To Communicate Effectively With Each Other
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Many of the little fights you will get into as a couple will boil down to miscommunication. When you need to have a hard discussion, stay calm and focus on the issue at hand.
Engage in active listening, and make sure you do not talk over each other. Compromise when it makes sense, and ensure both of you feel the issue is resolved to mutual satisfaction before moving on.
Mistake #10: Not Keeping Secrets Your Spouse Trusted You With
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It can be tempting to seek help from family and friends about a problem with your spouse. Don’t get me wrong – seeking advice from family and friends is fine.
However, there is a fine line between seeking advice and willingly giving up secrets and sensitive information your spouse trusted you with. Do your absolute best not to break your spouse’s trust – that might be hard to come back from.
What are some other mistakes that you think newlyweds make without even realizing it?
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