If You Are Really Looking For Love This Year, Then Stop Saying “Yes” To Situationships And Start Being Honest With Yourself
The following column is the opinion and analysis of the writer, Katharina Buczek.
It appears that the classic “friends with benefits” arrangements have taken on a new identity in recent years.
Nowadays, they are referred to as “situationships”– or romantic relationships that remain informal and unexclusive.
But, as you can probably gather from the name, many people end up in these “situations” unintentionally. Plus, once stuck in a situationship, they can be extremely hard to change.
Situationships ultimately lie at some grey, in-between point between friendship and exclusive couple.
They are different than one-night stands and hookups in that they are somewhat more intimate. But, the intimacy is also extremely limited due to the fact that there is often no commitment or real sense of partnership.
So, both men and women who find themselves in situationships can often feel unsatisfied in the truest form. No, I am not talking about in the bedroom, but rather in their hearts– as sappy as it may sound.
And if you can relate, then this is the year to take control of your fate and feelings. I’m talking about saying no to situationships.
Know What You Want
Before you dip your toe into the dating pool, it is critical to know what you truly want. For some, that really is a casual, spontaneous, and uncommitted relationship that provides some excitement and romance without all of the responsibilities of a relationship.
LIGHTFIELD STUDIOS – stock.adobe.com – illustrative purposes only, not the actual person
But many others are really just hoping to find a true connection that leads to a real partnership. Still, in the process, they can fall victim to the situationship without even realizing it at first.
So, before opening up Tinder, heading out to the bar for some good old-fashioned in-person connection, or going on a first date, take stock of your intentions. If you are looking for a relationship, then refuse to just “go with the flow” and stop trying to pretend that you are chill with doing “whatever.”
If you are really ready to give your all to one person, then it is time to stop lying to yourself and realize that these happenstance situations are not how you will get there. Don’t accept the bare minimum or sacrifice your values.
Now, this all sounds great and empowering– but figuring out how to actually stay true to your intentions can also be daunting.
After all, you might be put into a situation where you really like a person and want to “change them.” Or, you may think that because you like them so much, your own intentions will change.
Quite frankly, though, this is unfair to both you and whoever you are dating. Being on such different pages can, first of all, lead to a lot of resentment and built-up tension.
And perhaps most importantly, no one should have to “change” in order for a relationship– or lack thereof– to finally “click.”
So, the best way to avoid getting caught up in a situationship this year is to start by being honest. Communicate what you are looking for upfront, and lay all of your cards out on the table. Then, how your potential partner responds to your transparency will be all the information you need.
If that person straight-up tells you they are “not looking for anything more right now,” then take their statement at face value and politely break it off.
Stop wondering about the “what-ifs” or allowing a situationship to go on in spite of the inevitable.
Moreover, avoid convincing yourself that your love interest may change their mind about “you”– because history has proven that your heart will just get broken twice over.
Accept The Truth
When it comes to relationships, the truth is that an unfulfilling one is no better than not being in a relationship at all. Getting stuck in a situation that is not your end goal will only drain your energy, lower your self-esteem, and make you question yourself.
So, rather than getting pulled down that rabbit hole, start to practice some vulnerability. Open yourself up to the world and be truthful about the love you crave. It may seem scary at first, but you owe yourself that respect and honesty.
In the process, start turning down meaningless advances, say goodbye to aimless romance, and refuse to accept “not labeling the relationship” if that is not what you want.
Yes, with online dating and the casual nature of romance today, this can be difficult– and you may even feel out of place searching for a real relationship despite a lot of newer cultural norms. But, rather than being afraid of how you appear to others or wasting even more time on a situationship that goes nowhere, just say no.
If you refuse to settle and accept that you really are worthy of love, you will eventually find your person– even if you have to turn down a few situationships in the process.
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