7 Questions To Ask Your Partner To Get To Know Them On A Deeper Level
No Matter How Well You Think You Know Someone, You’ll Never Actually Be In Their Head.
The following column is the opinion and analysis of the writer. Moreover, humans have the amazing ability to change and evolve as individuals.
That’s why people, even those friends or family members you’ve known forever, still surprise you with their words, actions, or decisions from time to time. And in romantic relationships, it’s precisely the reason we must continue digging to stay connected.
Here Are 7 Questions To Ask Your Partner To Get To Know Them On A Deeper Level
Whether you’ve been with your partner for a year or 20, you two are both bound to change as the days pass by. So, the key to remaining on the same page and ensuring your bond never fades is intentional curiosity.
Don’t fall victim to the mundane “small talk” that becomes the norm in too many long-term relationships. Rather, continue seeking out opportunities to learn more about your partner, their fears, their dreams, and their deepest thoughts.
To get started, here are seven questions you can ask to get to know your partner on an even deeper level.
1. What’s something that’s missing in your life?
When you first met your partner, you two probably shared your biggest hopes and dreams. And maybe, just maybe, you’ve accomplished everything you set out to do.
But again, humans are not stagnant, unchanging beings, and what we view as “success” isn’t always synonymous with what truly makes us feel happy. So, by asking what’s missing in your partner’s life, you can pinpoint what needs aren’t being fulfilled or what aspirations haven’t yet come true for them.
And after discussing it together, you’ll both be set on a path to improve your relationship and work toward new, fresh goals together.
2. What brings you joy every day?
On a similar note, check in about what makes your partner happy each day. It’s true that life really is all about the “little things,” meaning their answer might surprise you.
Maybe they appreciate how you always prep the coffee pot for the morning or love walking your dog together. Or, perhaps they just enjoy getting 20 minutes of alone time to relax and collect their thoughts after work.
Whatever it may be, taking mental notes regarding what brings your partner joy each day can help you better understand their current values and needs (and make it easier for you to satisfy them).
3. What’s your biggest fear?
Just like dreams, fears have a tendency to change over the course of our lifetime. As a teenager, your biggest worry was probably passing your driving test or getting into college. And now, as an adult, those concerns likely seem pretty juvenile.
No matter what anyone says, every single person is afraid of something, too. Your partner might put on a brave face, but deep down, they have fears, just like everyone else.
When the time is right, ask what those worries are. Your curiosity will help your partner feel less alone.
4. What do you wish you were better at?
One of the most important parts of successful relationships is ensuring there’s joint evolution. And if we’re being real, we all wish we were better at something.
From more “adult” tasks, like time management, to less “serious” things, like cooking or pickleball, ask what your partner wants to improve on in their life. Again, you’ll gain a better sense of where they stand with their goals right now and be able to more actively support their growth.
5. How do you picture the next year together?
When you’re young, it seems so easy to fantasize about some big, wonderful future with a white picket-fenced house, pets, and kids. However, it takes a lot of smaller steps to get there.
That’s why discussing shorter timelines with your partner can work wonders in keeping you connected and on the same page. Of course, you can continue daydreaming about where you’ll be in a decade or two. But for now, just ask your partner how they picture the next year going for your relationship.
Will you move in together? Relocate? Go on a trip? Change jobs? Get a dog? Start a family? Aligning with your partner about the next 12 months will show you where they stand and allow you to set achievable milestones together.
6. When do you feel the most loved?
No one craves or experiences love in the exact same way. While one person might light up at acts of service or gifts, another really values words of affirmation or physical touch. Plus, love languages can change over time as well.
I advise you to ask your partner when they feel most loved and why. Is it after a long day when they get to come home and vent without fear of any judgment? Is it when they’re cooking dinner, and you randomly give them a hug from behind? Or is it when you notice they’re overwhelmed and take a chore off their plate just to make their day a bit easier?
Knowing and catering to your partner’s love language as it evolves throughout your relationship will only make you both feel more in sync over time.
7. What do you think about…?
Finally, this last question is open-ended for a reason. I believe one of the biggest pitfalls in relationships is making assumptions based on past actions, statements, or experiences, so we should continuously ask our partners for their views on anything and everything.
This could be serious topics, such as politics, religion, parenting, or “stupider” things, like whether they actually like the couch they kept from their old apartment when they moved into your place or genuinely enjoy getting takeout from your favorite sushi place every week.
When we start assuming things about our partner, we put them in a box, and the four walls don’t allow their ever-changing preferences, values, and needs to penetrate. So, encourage yourself to question what you think about how your partner thinks. Ask them how they feel about random things in your life together as they pop up, and you’ll probably be shocked by some of their responses.
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