5 Totally Acceptable Reasons To Cut Friends Out Of Your Life And Not Feel Guilty About It
The following column is the opinion and analysis of the writer, Katharina Buczek.
As we get older, we have to accept one hard truth of life: it is natural to let go of people, things, and situations that no longer serve our best interests.
This can be a tough pill to swallow after you graduate college, move away, or start a new job and realize that you no longer have the same people in your corner. But, it is completely normal to let go as circumstances change, and life paths diverge.
On a similar note, you should never feel obligated to remain close to anyone who takes advantage of you, drains you, or makes your relationship feel like a chore. You may have years of knowing that person under your belt, mutual friends, or even work together.
Regardless, you cannot let these facts detour you from doing what’s best for your well-being.
And in case you needed a reminder, here are five completely acceptable reasons to cut people out of your life that you should never, ever feel guilty about.
1. Your Relationship Feels Like “Groundhog Day”
Are you constantly being disrespected in your relationship? Do you feel like you keep having the same arguments and reaching the same resolution, yet nothing ever changes?
If so, you need to stop wasting your time and energy. Yes, everyone does make mistakes– and it is okay to give a friend another chance (or even a second chance if you are feeling generous).
magdal3na – stock.adobe.com – illustrative purposes only, not the actual people
But, as the saying goes, after three strikes, they should be out. Stop allowing people to repeat harmful behavior in your life without showing them any real consequences. You are not a pushover. So, refuse to entertain that sort of immaturity and say goodbye guilt-free.
2. You Walk On Eggshells
Confrontation makes people squirm– I get it. You might be nervous, anxious, or just fearful of how someone will respond to you calling them out.
But, if you and a friend can never talk about “real” issues in your relationship, that is a problem.
You should never have to feel like you are walking on eggshells around someone– putting on a happy face to avoid confrontation or, worse, passive aggressiveness.
Healthy relationships require two people who are dedicated to learning and growing together. So, if you feel like the friendship is stagnant and surface-level– with no issues ever really being resolved– the relationship probably is not benefiting your life.
3. History Is The Only Thing They Have Going For Them
Yes, childhood friends can be amazing. I am lucky enough to still be super close with my best friend– who I met all the way back in fourth grade. Talk about feeling old.
But shared memories and years of friendship cannot be the only thing keeping your relationship afloat. And it if is, you probably have noticed that the conversation dries up real quick.
Instead, friendships require sincere care, genuine interest, and a commitment to learning about each other that surpasses “the past” and becomes a wholly “present” endeavor. So, if you and your childhood friend have heartfelt memories together– but maybe are not really there for each other as adults anymore– that is totally okay.
But save yourself the heartache of feeling pushed aside or left behind. Rather, realize that it is natural, and you can find a much more fulfilling relationship elsewhere by focusing on making new memories in the present.
4. You Are Just Plain Uncomfortable
Not all personality types blend together seamlessly. Perhaps you met someone through mutual friends or in a group setting before taking a hangout one-on-one. And after a while, you may realize that you just are not comfortable opening up to that person or being around them.
You should never feel bad about that or think that you are doing anything wrong. Comfort is critical for our own sense of peace and mental health, and it is also a crucial part of a true friendship.
So, stop allowing yourself to feel judged or mocked. Likewise, quit feeling obligated to “be polite” and keep a relationship going.
The best thing you can do in these instances is cut the person out of your life. If they require too much mental energy and make you feel like you cannot just “be you,” then they are not worth it.
5. Your Lives Are Just Going In Different Directions
It is completely natural for everyone to find their own path. You and your friends may enter the dating pool, relocate to a new city, try out new careers, or spend time attempting new hobbies.
And a lot of the time, this can be very exciting for a friendship. You may catch up over Facetime about dates gone wrong or take train trips to the city to meet up for lunch and visit their new apartment.
Other times, though, all of these changes can weigh down your friendship. You might notice the drop-off of in-person hangouts first. Then, you realize that your texts are being left on “read” and your phone calls are going unanswered.
This can be a really hurtful reality– especially for friends who have been close for a long time. Unfortunately, though, life just gets in the way sometimes. And that is okay.
I’m not saying you have to cut a friend completely out of your life because they have a busy schedule or are occupied with new responsibilities. At the same time, though, you cannot sit around grieving the loss of your friendship and waiting for them to call you back.
Be sure to take your own life into your own hands and get out into the world, too. You and your friend may eventually come back together once things settle down and life gets more “manageable.”
In the meantime, though, find new people to fill up your inner circle– because you shouldn’t have to wait around for anyone or look for companionship in someone who does not view you the same way anymore.
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