Save Yourself The Heartache And Stop Giving Your All To People Who Aren’t Able To Love You Back
The following column is the opinion and analysis of the writer, Katharina Buczek.
Wearing your heart on your sleeve is not always a bad thing. But, once you encounter people who don’t appreciate your care, you have to stop giving them your love.
Quit having the same difficult conversations with people who refuse to change and grow. Say no and stop showing up for family members, friends, or a partner who doesn’t care about your presence. And finish prioritizing people who just treat you like an option.
They are not deserving of your time, energy, and heart.
If you are a people pleaser, or even just someone who loves incredibly hard, this can be a seriously tough pill to swallow. Your instincts might be telling you to do everything in your power to win someone back, earn approval, or get some semblance of reciprocation.
With this thought process, though, you will just rob yourself of your energy, time, and mental peace.
Instead, you have to accept two truths of life. First, not everyone is “for you,” and you are not “for everyone.” This doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you or other people in your circle. Rather, it’s just a fact that has to be taken into consideration– especially when you are giving your all to a person who is not showing up for you.
The second truth is that even if you and another person are “for each other,” they may not be ready to give their love and care to you. Perhaps your friend is in a different stage of life, or your emotionally unavailable partner is still working through some past trauma.
There are countless reasons why someone may not be ready to love you. But whatever the circumstances may be, they all boil down to one indisputable truth– if someone is not reciprocating, you have to let them go.
anatoliycherkas – stock.adobe.com – illustrative purposes only, not the actual person
Stop spending your time trying to force a friend to hang out or a partner to be romantic. Whether they are not capable or simply don’t want to, you are still just robbing yourself of time and a different viable connection that is out there waiting for you.
So, you have the quit waiting for people to meet you at your level– whether that be in family relationships, friendships, or romantic endeavors.
The longer you wait to cut them out of your life, the more familiar you will become with being a second priority or the back burner option. At the same time, you will feel like the weight of the entire relationship is on your shoulders– wondering what would happen if you stopped texting someone or if you would be forgotten if you did not relentlessly show up enough for the both of you.
You may even mistake this kind of relationship for love when, at the end of the day, it is simply an attachment.
And if you are attached to someone who continues to disregard your effort in a relationship, you are doing yourself a major disservice and need to let go.
This is not an indication that you failed or caused the dissolution of the relationship. On the contrary, it is a reflection of your own self-awareness– that you were brave enough to recognize an issue and make a change.
You deserve to surround yourself with people who show you love, care, and trust, not those who drain your energy– which is the most important commodity in your life.
What you put your energy towards every single day will ultimately define your existence. Stop staring at your texts and waiting for a response message, and quit hanging out on social media– looking at places you were not invited to.
Instead, recognize these anxiety-perpetuating habits and cut them loose. Pour your energy into your own interests, hobbies, or self-care, and realize that you need to protect your sanity at all costs.
Yes, it’s not good to be too guarded– never letting people in and allowing potential new relationships to flourish. But, at the same time, some amount of reservation is key and will protect you from damaging relationships that only leave you feeling disregarded and unfulfilled in the end.
So, every day, remind yourself that you are not solely responsible for relationships. It takes two to tango.
Likewise, remember that it is not your fault if things don’t work out. It’s just a fact of life and will inevitably happen as we grow and change.
Finally, make a commitment to yourself to only accept the love that you believe you are worthy of. Stop selling yourself short and settling for people who belittle you, hurt you, ignore you, or simply aren’t there for you.
Realize how important you are and how much value your care and love really bring to the table. Then, only share that with people who truly appreciate your character.
You will save yourself a lot of heartaches and missed expectations. And in the process, you will forge new relationships with deeper connections than you have ever experienced in the past.
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