A Guide For Writing Your Own Wedding Vows
If your wedding is racing around the corner, you may be starting to panic about one of the most important parts of your big day: your vows.
Sure, you could always use traditional wedding vows to express your intentions for your marriage. But couples are increasingly opting to write their own declarations of love and promises.
There’s no denying that summing up your entire past– and future dreams for your relationship– is a massive undertaking. Honestly, though, the time and effort spent on writing your own vows will be well worth it.
You will be given a chance to tell the story of your relationship in words that are entirely your own. You can also give your beloved wedding guests a sneak peek into your life while authentically sharing your own perspective with your partner.
Still, beginning to write such intimate vows can be seriously intimidating. That’s why we’ve outlined how you can get started, as well as a few tips for how to make your vow writing less stressful.
Guide To Writing Wedding Vows
If you have ever heard traditional wedding vows, you probably realized that they tend to be pretty structured. While writing your own, though, you can take creative liberties and feel free to make them as structured or as free-flowing as you want.
So, you can use this guide to inspire your vows– but you shouldn’t feel pressured to touch on any of these points in a particular order.
With that being said, let’s discuss one of the most common wedding vow mistakes: forgetting to say “I love you.”
Kateryna – stock.adobe.com – illustrative purposes only, not the actual people
I know, I know– this sounds so basic! But you would be surprised how many people get caught up in the details and forget to say these three words. So, try your hardest not to forget this little phrase– because while it may be short, it holds massive meaning.
Next, share how you plan to stick by your partner’s side through thick and thin. Anyone who claims that their relationship has never had any challenges is definitely lying. That’s why you shouldn’t refrain from addressing the inevitable.
Instead, communicate your intentions to tackle any obstacles with your partner as one unified pair.
Vows are also the perfect time to share some personal stories. Now, these can be as sentimental or humorous as you like. Either way, the anecdotes will add a level of authenticity and “realness” that just cannot be achieved with pre-written vows.
So, touch on what makes your partner tick and give a sneak peek into your own personal relationship. This will not only make your vows much more special but will also make them much more interesting for your wedding guests to hear.
Finally, don’t forget to make legitimate promises! At the end of the day, “vows” are supposed to be promises that each partner makes to their soon-to-be spouse. No, this doesn’t mean you have to write extremely cheesy or heavy vows.
You also probably won’t be able to fit in every single promise you intend to keep throughout your marriage.
But you should still incorporate a mix of heartfelt and funny intentions. For instance, you could promise to be their shoulder to lean on in times of need while also promising that you will handle all of the bug killings in your home. Whatever floats your boat!
Tips For Wedding Vow Success
Now that you have a general outline of points to touch on during your vows, you have to start the hard part– actually writing them. Thankfully, we have a few great tips for mitigating stress and ensuring wedding vow success.
Primarily, do not procrastinate! The idea of writing and delivering your own vows will only become more daunting the longer you wait. So, make a plan to have your vows completed at least three weeks before your big day.
That way, the weight will be lifted off your shoulders, and you’ll have plenty of time to rehearse in the mirror. Doing a “brain dump” can also be a great way to get your ideas on paper without the pressure of structuring or organization. Simply grab a notebook, go to a quiet place in your home, and think about your relationship over the years. Write down whatever jumps out at you in a list.
Later, you can revisit this list for inspiration– using the ideas as launching pads for anecdotes and promises. When it comes to the actual writing process, refrain from trying to include everything. This will be impossible, and you will just get frustrated trying to make room for everything.
Instead, write up to three different drafts of your vows to see what can stay and what needs to go. Take breaks between these drafts and approach the versions with fresh eyes.
But, once you reach your third draft, try not to keep writing– because continuous revisions can just dampen your confidence and damage your authenticity.
On a similar note, watch out for the language you use during your vows. Avoid using words such as “never” and “always” at all costs. Nothing in life is absolute, and you will be setting completely unrealistic standards for yourself. So, promise unwavering effort– not perfection.
Finally, while many couples opt to include some humor in their vows, you also shouldn’t be afraid to be sentimental. Sure, being “cheesy” or “corny” might not be your forte. But at a wedding, nothing is ever too cheesy.
Rather, nuptials are actually the ideal place to bare your heart and true feelings– no matter how corny they might seem.
Throughout this writing process, you may turn to movies, songs, or books for inspiration. You can also consult loved ones to get their perspective and practice reading your vows out loud to gain confidence in your flow, pauses, and intonation.
And while the pressure to write “perfect” vows might be seriously stressful, remember to go easy on yourself. At the end of the day, your words are meant for your partner. And if you stay true to your relationship and share feelings that are authentically yours, I am positive they will feel touched by whatever you have to say.
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