FYI: Trauma Does Not Excuse Hurting Those Around You
The following column is the opinion and analysis of the writer, Katharina Buczek.
Did you know that 70% of all adults living in the United States have experienced a traumatic event at least once in their lives? This percentage equates to 223.4 million people, according to The National Council.
Traumatic events can include anything from suffering domestic violence, experiencing a significant injury or health issue, and getting a divorce to losing a loved one, being a victim of assault, and more.
And these harrowing situations can push people to react in countless different ways. Some isolate themselves and put up a wall; others use recklessness or risky behavior to cope.
While these coping mechanisms are completely valid, too, one thing is undeniable– it is your responsibility to take accountability for your trauma-related actions.
So, while traumatic experiences can seriously affect our mental health and behavior, it is up to us to make sure our relationships and overall lives are not impacted, too.
This might feel like I am telling you to take the blame for whatever happened to you. Quite frankly, though, that could not be further from the truth.
During traumatic events, we typically lose control and power in horrible situations. But, by taking control of your own life in spite of your trauma, you are reclaiming your own power– and ensuring that your loved ones and other aspects of your life are not negatively impacted by the trauma, too.
That’s why trauma also is not an excuse for any bad behavior you exhibit in the aftermath. Yes, people who have suffered a traumatic event are more likely to develop anxiety, aggression, irritability, and struggle with self-esteem and trusting others.
Iona – stock.adobe.com – illustrative purposes only, not the actual person
Just because these reactions are understandable, though, does not mean they are justifiable for you acting hatefully, cruelly, or selfishly to those around you. And if you recognize these behavior patterns impacting your relationships, it may be best to practice some self-reflection and acknowledge that hurting the people you love is not the answer.
At the same time, our trauma should not make other people feel like they have to walk on eggshells around us. Of course, this might be unavoidable in the period immediately following a traumatic event. But, as time goes on, you cannot expect everyone to adjust their behavior based on only your emotions.
It simply is not fair, and if you really want to have healthy relationships with your loved wants, it is up to you to work on managing your own moods and attitudes.
I am not saying you have to do any of this alone, either. Rather, it is actually extremely beneficial to seek professional help and support whenever you need it.
Trauma is nothing to joke around with, and unfortunately, it can spiral out of control and begin impacting countless areas of your life if it is not addressed.
So, if you catch yourself taking your own hurt out on others, it might be best to reach out for help.
Throughout this process, you can also practice transparency and honesty. Openly communicate how your trauma might be impacting you and ask for patience from loved ones while you heal.
Moving on from a traumatic event is seldom an easy or short process, but working to overcome your trauma will remove any barriers preventing you from maintaining a great relationship with yourself and those around you.
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