7 Signs Your Partner Is Using You
No One Enters A Relationship Thinking They’re Going To Be Mistreated, But Occasionally, That’s Sadly Just What Happens
The following column is the opinion and analysis of the writer. As humans, we form connections with others for a multitude of reasons.
Professional relationships can provide us with industry contacts and opportunities, for instance, while platonic friendships give us camaraderie and support.
And usually, people enter romantic relationships for love. However, that’s not always the case, because what feels like love may disguise manipulation instead.
Here Are 7 Signs Your Partner Is Using You
Whether it’s for money, social status, emotional security, or plain convenience, individuals sometimes start dating significant others and either knowingly or subconsciously “use” them.
Do you ever feel like you give your partner all of your time, energy, and care, but they don’t reciprocate? Or does something just feel “off,” pushing you to wonder if they’re with you for the right reasons?
It’s important to recognize the warning signs before it’s too late and you’ve been emotionally drained by someone with ill intentions. So, here are seven signs that your partner could be using you.
1. They Don’t Open Up To You
Someone who genuinely cares about you will want to share their innermost feelings, fears, dreams, and even stupid thoughts with you, just for the sake of getting to know you better. A partner who’s using you, on the other hand, won’t feel that same need.
Why? Well, they’re already getting whatever they want out of you without having to be vulnerable. From physical affection to money or even an elevated social circle, their life is already being enhanced in some way by your presence.
So, they don’t see the need to put in any extra work (or actually connect with you since the relationship is transactional).
2. Labels And Commitments Are Off The Table
Similarly, if you’ve been in a relationship with someone for a decent amount of time, and they refuse to discuss labels or exclusively commit to you, that’s another red flag.
This is usually due to a couple of different reasons. First, maybe your partner has some past traumas and wants your validation, reassurance, or support, but they don’t actually want to (or are afraid to) put in the work and show you that same level of respect in return by becoming “official.”
Or, it’s possible that your partner is, again, only interested in having their ego fluffed, their pockets padded, or some other part of their life boosted by whatever you can provide. So, they’re stringing you along to keep you around with no intention of committing for the long haul.
3. They Rarely Compromise Or Take Your Feelings Into Consideration
Consider this: if you were using someone for your own personal gain in any form, would it seem worthwhile to take their feelings into consideration? Or would you continue to focus only on whatever you “need?”
When a partner doesn’t feel emotionally invested in you, they aren’t going to be inclined to make compromises, especially if they’re only dating you for some form of payout.
Maybe they like the “appearance” of having a significant other, but behind closed doors, they disregard your opinions and make all the decisions. Or, they selfishly enjoy how you make them feel when you compliment them and show up for them, but when it comes to being there for you, they disappear.
Regardless, a couple that genuinely values each other will learn to compromise, even if it’s hard at first. Otherwise, it’s a telltale sign of a power and care imbalance.
4. All Shows Of Affection Are Physical
Another major indicator that your partner is using you is if all shows of affection are physical. Yet, it can still be tough to come to terms with, no matter how obvious the pattern may seem.
Do they only reach out at a moment’s notice, possibly at night, and never plan any other hangouts in advance? Are the only times you feel “close” to your partner when you’re in the bedroom, and affection is scarce the rest of the time?
This all suggests you are being used for physical gain, without any of the love and respect that’s supposed to go into a true relationship.
5. You’re Kept Away From Their Friends And Family
After a relationship progresses past the first few dates, it’s natural to get introduced to your partner’s friends and family. Yet, maybe you’re kept far away from their social circle.
Someone who sees a future with you would want to integrate you into their life, not compartmentalize you. So, the latter indicates that they could just be seeing you for some other reason aside from love, and they don’t actually picture things lasting.
6. They Expect The World But Don’t Show Up For You In Return
Users can act distant and cold, but they can also be incredibly needy people. You may have a partner who shamelessly blows up your phone, expects you to cater to their every desire, and holds you to extremely high expectations to fulfill their emotional needs.
But when push comes to shove, and you’re going through a tough time, they write off your feelings, act like you can handle things on your own, or just totally ghost you.
Relationships are a two-way street, and when efforts aren’t reciprocated, it’s a clear sign that someone is being used.
7. You Feel It In Your Gut
Finally, our hearts have the power to overlook or rationalize mistreatment when we really love someone, but our instincts are usually a different story.
You might make excuses for your partner’s behavior or downplay their habits because you want your relationship to work, yet in your gut, you know that you’re being undervalued and disrespected.
Don’t try to ignore your instincts because oftentimes, they prove to be correct. And once you recognize your worth and decide to move on from your relationship, you’ll open yourself up to the opportunity of being with someone who will really treat you right.
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