7 Signs Your Partner Talks To You In A Toxic Way
Absolutely Nothing Can Get Accomplished In A Relationship With Unhealthy Communication Habits
The following column is the opinion and analysis of the writer. Yet, so many people struggle to identify the pattern, particularly if they grew up in a home where balanced, calm, and respectful conversations weren’t the norm.
So, do you ever leave discussions feeling misunderstood or heard at all? Does it seem like your partner cares more about getting their point across than letting you contribute your own perspective?
Here Are 7 Signs Your Partner Talks To You In A Toxic Way
These are just a few telltale indicators that damaging communication has made itself at home in your relationship.
Ahead, here are seven other signs that your partner talks to you in a way that’s toxic, essentially stifling your voice in your own relationship.
1. They Lecture You
Your partner is never supposed to make you feel dumb, but that’s precisely what happens when they choose to patronize you during discussions.
Maybe your partner acts as if they know “everything” and over-explains concepts, ideas, or problems to you, like you’re a child who wouldn’t understand or be able to engage in a regular conversation. Or, they use a lot of big words to purposefully confuse you and make it seem like you’re not smart enough to keep up.
If your partner wanted to lecture, they should’ve gone into teaching. That behavior has no place in a relationship and will just create a power imbalance that leaves you feeling inadequate.
2. They Talk “At” You Instead Of “With” You
There’s nothing more frustrating than trying to speak with someone who sucks up all the air in the room. It can feel like, no matter how hard you try, you just can’t get a word in.
Usually, this happens in relationships when one partner talks “at” their significant other instead of allowing for mutual back and forth.
From interrupting you to blatantly talking over you, it’s extremely rude and can be used as a manipulation tactic to gain more control.
3. They Fail To Ask For Your Input
If someone wants to just think aloud, they can talk to themselves or even journal. The whole point of talking to someone else, on the other hand, is actually encouraging a shared exchange of thoughts and ideas.
Nonetheless, your partner may never ask for your input. They just act as if their thought process is superior, even if situations involve you both, effectively cutting you out of the decision-making and sending the message that your opinion doesn’t matter.
Spoiler alert: it does, and if your partner wants to make unilateral choices so badly, they should just be single.
4. They Play The Blame Game
The only way couples can productively work through problems and grow is through compromise and accountability. Even so, do you somehow always wind up apologizing at the end of fights, even when nothing was your fault?
This is a huge indicator of gaslighting, which pushes you to question the way situations really transpired and accept blame despite not being in the “wrong.”
Not only does this toxic pattern make you the go-to scapegoat for all issues in your relationship, but it also has the potential to warp your sense of self over time, leading you to eventually believe that you really are the recurrent “problem” in your relationship.
5. They Treat Conversations Like A Competition
It’s so disheartening when you turn to someone for support, and they immediately flip the script to refocus the conversation on themselves. It’s true that drawing comparisons between mutual life experiences can give people a sense of comfort, but it takes self-awareness to realize when contributing you’re own is helpful versus just rude.
For instance, does it seem like whenever you go to your partner to talk about something that’s stressing you out, they have to bring up a problem in their own life that they claim is more taxing? On the flip side, when you want to share and celebrate an achievement or accomplishment, do they jump to one-up you?
Couples aren’t supposed to compete with each other; there should be enough space, support, and encouragement for both of you.
6. They Stonewall You
Whenever your partner broaches a topic that’s been on their mind, you’re probably expected to listen, right? Well, what happens when you try to discuss something that’s important to you?
If they quickly disregard your needs by “stonewalling” you, it’s a big red flag. They could brush off your feelings and accuse you of overreacting. Or, they may shut down altogether, giving you the silent treatment to avoid engaging in the conversation since it doesn’t directly serve them or their interests.
Either way, you’re entitled to just as much respect as you give your partner, and anything less is unacceptable.
7. They Never Actually Seem Interested In Your Life
Finally, healthy relationships involve two people who show genuine curiosity and care about each other’s lives. In my opinion, that’s the bare minimum, and anything less is toxic behavior.
If your significant other seems to enjoy just talking about themselves more than really connecting and learning more about you, they’re putting on a performance, not being a good partner.
Don’t feel obligated to give them that platform. If they aren’t invested in your thoughts, feelings, and experiences, then they don’t deserve to have you as an audience.
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