She Loves Her Son More Than Her Daughter, And It Makes Her Feel Like A Monster Instead Of A Mom
What kind of parent admits they have a favorite? What kind of mother feels more at ease with one child than the other, and knows it’s not fair, but can’t seem to change it?
She loves them both. That part isn’t up for debate. But love and ease aren’t always the same thing. Her son is gentle, her daughter is intense, and somewhere along the way, she started bracing for every interaction with one and softening completely with the other.
She’s trying. She keeps showing up. But it’s the secret that eats at her the most, not just that she feels this way, but that she knows she feels this way.
And she can’t stop wondering what it means about her, and what her daughter might grow up feeling without ever being told.
This 39-year-old woman has two children: a five-year-old daughter and a seven-year-old son, and her children are quite different from one another.
“My son is gentle, quiet, [and] emotionally in tune. My daughter is loud, intense, [and] demanding. Ever since she was born, she’s pushed every boundary I set, needed more attention, cried more, fought more,” she explained.
“I try to love them both equally. I tell myself every day that I do. But when I’m alone with my thoughts… I don’t think it’s true.”
“I like my son more. It kills me to say it. I feel like a monster. I know it’s not her fault she’s spirited. I know it’s probably how I’m parenting. But some days, I just feel exhausted by her. And when she hugs me, I fake the smile. When my son hugs me, I melt.”
This is her deepest, darkest secret she’s carrying around. Not a single soul knows about it, and she hasn’t even confided in her husband.
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She pushes it down and hopes it doesn’t spill out for the world to see. On occasion, she finds herself staring at her daughter and believing she deserves to have a better mom than her.
She’s doing her best, she’s attending therapy in the hopes it will help her like her children more equally. Perhaps one day she won’t be playing favorites.
“But I had to say it out loud, even if it’s anonymously. Because it’s eating me alive,” she concluded.
What advice do you have for her?
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