She Regrets Marrying Her Husband, Who Robbed Her Of Her Youth And Is 12 Years Older Than She Is
When you marry someone older, or enter into an age gap relationship, people always have opinions, and they often assume that the older person is mature.
But what happens when the opposite is true? When the man who was supposed to be more grounded turns out to be the one who never grew up?
She married him young, believing his age meant wisdom and stability. Now, with their third anniversary approaching, all she feels is regret, and the unsettling realization that she might’ve given some of her best years to someone who never really showed up for her.
This 27-year-old woman met her 39-year-old husband back when she was only 21, and he had just gotten divorced from his wife.
She was into living fast and wild, and she appreciated older guys. She thought that since her husband was a lot older than her, it made him attractive and mature.
Her husband also cleaned, cooked, and made her feel excited enough in the bedroom, so she never stopped to think that it was bizarre for a man in his 30s to want to be around people in their early 20s.
Her husband has two children with his ex, a 10-year-old and a 16-year-old, and it’s wild to her that she’s closer in age to his oldest than she is to him.
“The first 2-3 years we were together, he strung me along just enough to make me chase after him, but never actually committed, and only when I’d had enough and was about to leave him did he suddenly straighten up and commit fully to me,” she explained.
“The day he actually asked me to be his girlfriend, he told me of his intent to marry me, and, after months of pestering from his deeply religious family (who said we were ‘living in sin’), we got married when I was 24 and he was 36.”
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“When I was ready to walk away the first time, it was after learning of an incident that surfaced from right before we met, where he apparently hooked up with a 19-year-old girl who said he got her drunk and took advantage of her.”
She didn’t ditch him back then for reasons she can’t quite understand, because now, looking back, she can see how messed up it was.
It doesn’t matter if the interaction was consensual to her, since she feels there is no good reason a man that old should be spending time alone with a literal teenager.
But circling back to her and how she’s still with her husband, she hates that she’s had to be the adult in their relationship, and she’s the one who has had to put in all the work.
While her husband is nearly 40, he’s super childish and doesn’t do anything unless she forces him or demands it of him.
All of these realizations have made her sick to her stomach, and honestly, she regrets marrying her husband.
“In a few days, we will have been married for 3 years. I don’t even know if he knows our anniversary is coming. I only remembered it because my mom reminded me,” she added.
“I don’t want to play victim or paint him as a bad man; he’s my best friend, but I also feel like he robbed me of some of the best years of my life. For almost 3 years now, misaligned feelings have surfaced, and each time he changes just enough to keep me, but never actually addresses the root cause.”
“When people call me his wife or refer to me as a mother of his kids, I feel nauseous because it doesn’t feel like me at all.”
What advice do you have for her?
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