Her Husband Was Secretly Dating His Coworker While She Was Caring For Her Dying Mom, So She Wants A Divorce
Losing a parent is the kind of heartbreak that can shake your whole foundation, and for her, it was made even more devastating by the way her husband chose to handle it.
She put her entire life on hold to care for her terminally ill mom, living hours away for months and shouldering the grief, exhaustion, and loneliness that come with being a full-time caregiver.
While she was watching her only parent fade, he was starting a relationship with a coworker, hiding it for months, and only owned up to it after the funeral.
Now her family and in-laws are urging her to forgive him, chalking it up to caregiver burnout and shared grief. She’s not so sure this is something she can come back from.
Two years ago, this 25-year-old woman got married to her 27-year-old husband, and she knows they tied the knot pretty young.
However, since they were both in good places financially and felt ready to work on a shared future, they made the commitment.
And that leads us to now: she and her husband have begun trying to have their first child so they can build their family.
Sadly, her mom was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer seven months ago, and she was given six months to a year to live.
Her mom was three hours away from her, living in the town where she grew up. She’s an only child, so she jumped in to be there for her dying mom.
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Her husband was sympathetic and agreed that she should move in with her mom to be her caregiver in her final days.
So, she did. It was exhausting in every sense to be there for her mom. She spoke to her husband every other day, and he still showed his support, so she didn’t think he had a problem with her not being around.
Six weeks ago, her mom passed away, and she returned home after dealing with the estate and funeral. She and her husband began going to a grief counselor together to help rebuild their marriage during such a trying time.
“Last week, during what I thought was a healing conversation, he confessed that while I was away caring for my dying mother, he had been seeing his coworker ‘Emily’ for the last four months,” she explained.
“He said he was ‘lonely’ and that I had been ’emotionally unavailable’ even during our phone calls because I was so focused on my mom. I was completely shattered. While I was watching my mother die, holding her hand through chemo sessions, and grieving the loss of my only parent, he was building a relationship with someone else.”
“He waited until after the funeral, after I’d started grief counseling, to tell me, which means he was lying to me while I was planning my mother’s burial.”
She has since moved in with her best friend because she can’t stand to look at her husband. Her family and her in-laws, too, are insisting that she should forgive her husband for dating Emily behind her back.
All of her loved ones strongly believe that caregiver burnout is real and something that easily impacts married couples, even when only one person is holding the role of a caregiver.
They all feel that her husband was grieving along with her while witnessing her losing her mom, and they think divorce is too harsh.
What advice do you have for her?
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