It’s wild how often people expect children to bend their identities to keep adults happy, and even crazier when an entire marriage hinges on that.
She didn’t intend to sabotage her mom’s marriage; she just couldn’t pretend someone was her dad. No kid should be responsible for holding a relationship together, but that’s sadly the situation her mom and stepdad put her in, and they just can’t see it.
Seven years ago, this 17-year-old girl’s mom got married. Her stepdad really did want to have kids, but since her mom was unable to give him children, he settled on accepting her as his only child.
The issue is that she never considered this man to be her dad. She did have a biological father, who passed away, and she was interested in replacing him.
“We got along okay. It disappointed him whenever I said no to him adopting me or when I used his first name instead of calling him dad,” she explained.
“He called me his daughter, and I hated it but never said anything. So he kept calling me his, and I’d always correct people calling him my dad. I thought that would tell him nothing was changing on my side.”
“But a few months ago, for school, I did a project for art on my parents, and I did mom and dad. It wasn’t supposed to be seen by anyone else, and I didn’t think it would turn into a breakdown, but my teacher emailed it to my mom, and he saw it too. She was saying how talented I was, and she thought Mom should encourage my art more.”
Her stepdad saw the project, and that was it. He was done. Her stepdad informed her mom that he could no longer live his life without being a dad to someone, and she clearly never gave him a chance at that.
Her stepdad went on to say he was not going to wait and hope she changed her mind. Since her stepdad is 51, he feels he still has some time to find a woman who will make him a dad.
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So, he left her mom and quickly filed for divorce. As he walked out the door, her stepdad said he wished she felt remorse for rejecting him, since she could have had a great life with him.
“Ever since, my mom has blamed me. She told me I needed to make it up to him so he wouldn’t go through with the divorce, but I told her I wasn’t lying to get him back,” she added.
“She said he’s been around almost as long as dad was in my life, and he would’ve been around to see me get married and give my future kids a grandpa, and now there’s nobody. She asked me who I’d call my father figure now. I told her I never called him my father figure, and it was always my grandpas who got the title.”
“Mom said the fact I’d fight her after ruining her marriage showed how little I care about her. I told her I love her, and it’s why I tried to get along with him. I told her it’s not like I wanted someone else when Dad died, but I knew she did, so I accepted him into the household, but I would never let someone be my dad, so they’d be her husband.”
Her mom accused her of coming up with excuses and insisted that she should feel ashamed for destroying her marriage, since she was happy.
She’s left wondering if her mom is right and it is her fault the marriage fell apart.
I think that it’s crazy that her mom and stepdad allowed her to be the one thing that guaranteed the success or failure of their marriage.
Her mom and stepdad were not compatible in the first place, as this man wants kids, and that’s something her mom could not give him.
If her stepdad truly loved her mom, her not being willing to call him dad would not make him walk away and end the marriage, so this relationship wasn’t built on the best of intentions in the first place.
What do you think?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
