When someone tells you they just need time, what they’re really saying is not yet. But after years together, a child, and countless conversations later, she’s finally starting to realize “not yet” may have always meant never.
Her boyfriend changed the rules, and he’s expecting her to quietly accept a version of together forever that she never agreed to.
Five years ago, this 36-year-old woman started dating her boyfriend, who is the same age as her. Now, back when they first got romantic, she made it clear to him that she was dating to get married, not mess around.
He let her know that he liked to take his time, but if they managed to make it to their five-year anniversary, that would make him feel safe enough to propose to her.
“We talked about this throughout the relationship, so this was well established and we’d both agreed, even though 5 years seemed a bit too long for me, I was understanding of him because his last relationship (which ended 2 years before we met), he’d bought a ring and she dumped him,” she explained.
“Fast forward to now, we’ve been together all these years, and in that time we even had a child together, yet he still never proposed. I brought it up earlier this year, how this is our 5th year together, and I would really like us to take the next step forward in our commitment and get engaged by the end of the year (our anniversary).”
“He started telling me how he doesn’t see the point and doesn’t believe in marriage anymore because it’s just a “piece of paper” and there’s no need to get the government involved.”
She reminded him that getting married to her is meaningful, and she offered to do a non-traditional ceremony as some kind of a compromise.
Her boyfriend deflected, made excuses, and she demanded to know where he saw himself in the following few years, to which he responded that he doesn’t think beyond his daily life.
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Finally, she hit him with an ultimatum: he has until the end of the year to propose to her, or she’s going to pursue a future that does not include him.
“He said I’m [a jerk] for forcing him to propose and that he doesn’t want to. I told him that’s fine and he doesn’t have to, but that I also don’t have to sit around waiting for him and wasting my time on someone who doesn’t want to grow old with me and do life together, marriage, family, etc.,” she concluded.
I don’t think this sounds like a man who is confused or scared; he’s just hoping she’ll keep settling for less than what she asked for. Every day she waits is a day he learns he doesn’t actually have to commit, because she’ll stay anyway.
It’s time for her to believe him. If he says he doesn’t want to get married, most likely that does mean never, because by now he should know if he’s down to make her his wife. She should find a man who only thinks beyond one day at a time and will make her a priority.
Do you think she should keep waiting around for him to choose her?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
