Finding out your marriage ended for a reason that no longer seems true can be crushing to come to terms with. One moment, you accept that the person you loved simply didn’t want kids, and you swallow that heartbreak.
Then, you run into them, glowing, pregnant, and living the very life you once imagined together, and suddenly every wound you tried to stitch closed rips open again.
It’s confusing, it’s painful, and it makes you question everything you thought you knew about your relationship… and yourself.
Three years ago, this man got divorced after his now ex-wife changed her mind about being a mom and having children. He asked if they could go to therapy together, but she emotionally shut down, and their marriage ended.
He never once pressured her to have kids with him, nor did he issue her an ultimatum. He just wanted to communicate with her about the topic, and he was confused as to why she didn’t have an interest in that, since they always did a great job working through their problems.
He did all the chores around their house, and they used to joke around about him one day being a stay-at-home dad due to how talented he was with the domestic duties.
He thought that they were happy together, and they were working towards buying a home. So to have his marriage come to such a sad end is something he still hasn’t been able to overcome, all these years later.
“She moved back to her hometown, and I stayed in the same city. I never really moved on from her because, for me, she was the love of my life,” he explained.
“I went on a little date, not so much of a date, with a coworker yesterday to a little restaurant that is popular in my city. When we were leaving, I saw her with her mom.”
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“I don’t know much about pregnancy, but her belly is so big, I assume she is having her baby soon. She didn’t see me, or at least pretended not to, and I can’t think about anything else. Now she looked so happy, and I’m glad for her, but if at the end of the day she was willing to have a child, why not me? Was I such a horrible partner?”
I’m not really sure what to say, except people do change their minds, sometimes multiple times within the span of a few years. Perhaps that’s what happened here, and his ex-wife woke up one day and felt her biological clock ticking.
I’ve certainly heard of that happening before and even personally know someone who terminated a pregnancy because she didn’t want kids, yet changed her mind a year later.
I don’t think she changed her mind about motherhood because he was the problem. People shift, grow, unravel, and reassemble themselves in ways we can’t predict, and sometimes they don’t know what they want until much later. That doesn’t mean that he was unworthy, unlovable, or somehow the wrong choice.
I don’t think he should reach out to her or beat himself up over it. Sometimes, things just happen, and it’s the opposite of what we expected all along. That’s just life for you.
What advice do you have for him?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
