In 2023, Lilie James had the world at her fingertips. The beautiful 21-year-old from New South Wales, Australia, led a happy and active life, working part-time at St. Andrew’s Cathedral School in Sydney’s Central Business District, where she coached water polo and swimming, and remained popular with both students and staff.
But after she briefly dated a male colleague, and he couldn’t handle being rejected, Lilie was tragically beaten to death with a hammer in a school bathroom on October 25, 2023.
“We’re bringing up women who are strong, educated, who know what they want and will go after it. But are we teaching our kids how to handle the rejection involved in relationships?” asked Lilie’s mother, Peta James, on “60 Minutes.”
“I don’t know that we’re teaching our kids that not everything is going to go their way.”
Paul Thijssen
Lilie’s killer was 24-year-old Paul Thijssen, a former student at St. Andrew’s who hailed from the Netherlands. He and his parents moved to Australia from 2015 to 2017, during which time he attended school and became a sports captain. Then, following graduation, he continued to obtain working holiday visas to return to Australia.
The only problem was that individuals could only receive those visas up to three times, and Paul was on his last one. It was later discovered that he’d lied about his role at the school on past visa applications to stay in the country, which might’ve been one “stressor” that contributed to his erratic behavior.
Such behavior revealed itself in an earlier relationship, prior to when he pursued Lilie. According to an ex-girlfriend of Paul’s, he was “increasingly obsessive” and punched a tree following their break-up. Then, he allegedly claimed to have targeted the tree since “he couldn’t punch the thing he actually wanted to punch.”
After their split, Paul also reportedly hacked into his ex’s Snapchat account and stalked her, eventually showing up at her home.
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“I don’t know how to explain it. It’s like he was deranged, like there was something not right about him,” she told “60 Minutes.”
Then, in August 2023, Lilie began seeing Paul, who, to other coworkers at St. Andrew’s, seemed like a typical guy. But their relationship only lasted for about five weeks, and not long after Lilie rejected him, Paul murdered her.
The Day Lilie Was Murdered
That Wednesday morning, Lilie began her day by eating Vegemite toast before leaving for work. Her father, Jamie, recalled that her mood was as upbeat as usual.
“I’m looking at the clock because the train’s going to come shortly, and she’s off in her own little world. But she didn’t seem agitated. She didn’t seem frightened, nothing. It was just a normal Wednesday,” he said.
Yet, by 8:30 p.m., Jamie received an alarming text sent from his daughter’s phone. The message read, “Don’t ask why or call, please come to the school now and pick me up.”
He quickly traveled to St. Andrew’s, but upon arriving, he couldn’t track down Lilie. While he’d gotten her bag and her pass, he was unable to find his daughter.
That’s when authorities arrived on the scene, and Jamie and Peta learned Lilie had been murdered on the school’s grounds.
Just after 7:00 p.m., Paul had followed her into a bathroom inside the school’s gym and beaten her to death with a hammer. Then, he emerged alone about one hour later and sent the text message to Lilie’s parents himself.
The extent of Lilie’s injuries was so severe that, initially, her body was unrecognizable.
CCTV footage showed Paul disposing of some of Lilie’s belongings hours later. Then, around 12:00 a.m., he contacted the police to report the crime, and his call was traced to a cliff near Watsons Bay known as The Gap.
Paul’s own backpack was later found there, and in a subsequent search, his body was discovered on October 27, 2023, close to Diamond Bay. He’d taken his own life after ending Lilie’s.
An Inquest Into The Deaths Reveals How Controlling Behavior Turned Fatal
In March of this year, an inquest into the deaths of Paul and Lilie exposed his actions and mental state leading up to Lilie’s murder.
Once the 24-year-old began seeing Lilie, his coercive behavior that had started in his previous relationship only worsened. Paul reportedly tracked her location using Snapchat, intimidated her, and even shoved her one day at St. Andrew’s, as captured on CCTV footage. This was only days before her murder.
Then, on October 20, 2023, Lilie went to a birthday party with a past partner, and this seemingly set Paul off. She also attempted to end their relationship that same evening, yet Paul was adamant that they needed to talk on Monday.
Leading up to October 25, 2023, Paul proceeded to visit Lilie’s home seven different times. He’d sit outside in his rental car and reportedly took pictures of the vehicles parked on her street.
And on the day of Lilie’s slaying, Paul planned the entire attack. First, he locked the gymnasium’s doors. Next, he was seen on CCTV footage practicing the murder multiple times.
During Lilie’s last interaction with Paul, she’d been acting normally and planned to attend a water polo match that evening. But after she went to change in the bathroom, Paul waited outside with a hammer for two minutes before going inside and brutally killing her.
Lilie sustained 25 blunt force injuries to her head and neck. She also tried to defend herself, as evidenced by broken bones, as well as hand and arm abrasions. Nonetheless, Lilie ultimately died, and Paul killed himself days later.
A “Fragile Sense Of Self” Led Paul To Do The Unthinkable
According to forensic experts, Paul had a “fragile sense of self” that caused him to lie and manipulate others to hide his insecurities. But Lilie’s rejection challenged the “image of perfection” that he projected into the world, and to regain control, he decided to murder her.
“She was stating what she wanted and didn’t want. I think deep inside, he was very wounded, potentially humiliated that he was not attractive enough to her,” detailed forensic psychologist Dr. Danny Sullivan.
Kate Fitz-Gibbon, the director of the Monash Gender and Family Violence Prevention Center, stated that Paul’s reliance on social media also exemplified “technology-facilitated abuse.”
“Monitoring through a range of different platforms, including different social media products, is well recognized as a form of digital coercive control,” she noted.
Now, in the wake of Lilie’s death, Jamie and Peta urge other parents to teach boys “how to accept and value a woman’s opinions and choices and accept rejection.” They also hope to keep Lilie’s memory alive.
“She was hardworking, and she loved being involved. She could be very nosy. But she just wanted to make people’s days better. She was always there with a quick smile or conversation. I really think she just wanted to make people smile,” Peta said.
By Katharina Buczek
Katharina Buczek graduated from Stony Brook University with a degree in Journalism and a minor in Digital Arts. Specializing in... More about Katharina Buczek
