If you’ve ever been in a room full of third-graders, you must know it’s like being in the audience of a comedy show.
Mr. Holmes (@_dreholmes) teaches the third grade, and now, he’s listing all the unhinged, brutally honest, and wildly imaginative things his students have said in class, reminding the internet that elementary schoolers are some of the most hilarious humans alive.
And, in the weeks before winter break, you can bet that class gets a little more hectic than usual. The list started off strong with a financial analysis that no one asked for.
“Number one: Why wasn’t Jesus born in the hospital? They must’ve been broke,” delivered one third-grader with the confidence you can only have at such an early stage of life.
Next, a kid poked fun at Mr. Holmes, asking if he was going to dress up as Santa for the Christmas party because they were roughly the same size.
No hesitation or remorse here. Just pure, unfiltered thoughts. Mr. Holmes must have a strong sense of humor to be able to brush that one off.
At some point, another kid announced that his family went to Florida for Thanksgiving, and their grandma fed them raw chicken. Somehow, that was not the most alarming thing said that day.
Number four: a student wished for a boyfriend for Christmas. Not for toys or video games, but romance and relationships. Apparently, the yearning for companionship starts as early as the third grade. The chaos finally came to a conclusion with number five.
“Number five: Mr. Holmes, can I come stay with you? Everything my mama cooked tastes like boiled eggs,” Mr. Holmes recalled the conversation.
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“Number six responding back to number five: You might not want to. He looks like he eats chitlins. You know that’s pig booty, right?”
In the comments section, some teachers chimed in with their own stories, agreeing that kids really know how to humble adults in the most funny but ruthless manner.
“As an elementary school music teacher, I’d be lying if I said I’ve never cried in front of a class. Not often, but listen, sometimes, you gotta let it out. It shouldn’t be this hard!” commented one user.
“That poor baby with the Florida grandma! I just want to send them all the cookies!” exclaimed another.
“I was absent one day this week. The next morning, one of my girls walked in, saw me, paused, and said, ‘Our substitute teacher yesterday was pretty.’ Another pause. ‘And she was younger than you,'” added a third.
Teaching may be an exhausting and unpredictable career, but it also comes with front-row seats to the funniest commentary imaginable. Third-graders sure know how to keep things entertaining with their honesty.
By Emily Chan
Emily Chan is a writer who covers lifestyle and news content. She graduated from Michigan State University with a degree in... More about Emily Chan
