What an adventure to be told your marriage is over, only to still be expected to act like a spouse because it’s convenient for the person who’s leaving you behind.
That contradiction is exactly what he’s dealing with, and it’s making him question whether he’s horrible for not wanting to play along and pretend that everything’s fine.
This 39-year-old man’s 28-year-old wife has been consistently telling him that she wants a divorce in no uncertain terms. She’s been resolute about wanting that in lieu of a separation, and she’s also insisted that they create some boundaries as well amid their split.
But right after his wife asked for a divorce, she then said he had to call her car dealership and bank to help her out with some problems regarding her car loan and some lien she has.
His wife is currently in the army and deployed to Europe. She no longer has an American phone line, so she mentioned it would be better if he dealt with these calls on her behalf.
“I realized I felt uncomfortable being asked to handle this. We’re not together, and making calls about her banking and car loan feels like a spouse-level responsibility that I don’t feel okay taking on anymore,” he explained.
“I told her honestly that I didn’t feel comfortable doing it. She got upset and said things like: ‘You can’t make a simple call to help me save money? Your help is always based on what you can get. I’ll just figure out my life on my own.'”
“That made me second-guess myself. I’m not refusing out of spite, and I wouldn’t care if she asked other friends or family for help. I just don’t feel comfortable being the one to do it anymore, and I don’t want to stay in a caretaker/fixer role when we’re separated.”
He quickly stopped their chat without picking a fight; however, he’s curious if it makes him selfish to no longer want to help his wife, or if this is an acceptable line to draw considering what she’s been seeking from him all along.
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It’s laughable to me that his wife wants a divorce, yet expects him to act like her husband still. You can’t have your cake and eat it too, honey!
I think he should stick to his newfound boundaries and not help her out at all. It’s on her to figure this out alone, now. She wanted to no longer be with him, and she can live with those consequences. Wanting to be single means you have to be prepared for independence.
What advice do you have for him?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
