If you got married with the intention of starting a family with your spouse, only to have them admit to you that they were no longer interested in that, what would you do?
Would you stay married to them knowing they’re destroying your dream of being a parent, or would you leave and try to find someone who could give you what you wanted?
Four years ago, this 34-year-old woman tied the knot with her 35-year-old husband after a year of dating. From the beginning, she informed her husband that she wanted to be a mom in the future and have a baby of her own.
“I made a point of saying this because he already has a daughter from a previous relationship, and I knew that could change how someone feels about having more kids,” she explained.
“I told him that if this wasn’t something he wanted, we shouldn’t continue. He said he understood and agreed. Now I finally feel ready. Emotionally, mentally, all of it. When I brought it up, he told me he doesn’t want a baby.”
It’s hard to tell if her husband strung her along or if he changed his mind, but the outcome is still the same: he’s not having a second kid.
Her husband insists that he hardly has the enthusiasm to be a dad to his daughter, who is ten, so he can’t devote any more attention to other children.
He additionally said that since he works crazy hours, he worries she would grow resentful of him with a baby, since it would largely be on her to be the caregiver, and he wouldn’t have the time.
And finally, her husband is terrified to have to compete for her attention with a baby, so he’s convinced their marriage would be on the rocks if she had to divide her time and no longer make him the priority.
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“I understand his fears, but I still feel crushed. It feels like the future I thought we were working toward just vanished. I wouldn’t have married him if I had known this would be the outcome,” she continued.
“I love my husband, but I’m grieving something that feels deeply important to me. I feel lost and heartbroken, and I don’t know what to do next.”
I hate to say it, but this is the ultimate dealbreaker, and she definitely will come to resent her husband if she can’t have a child with him.
She basically already alluded to this by saying that she never would have gotten married to her husband if she knew he would back out of having a baby with her. And he absolutely will feel bitter if she does push for a baby and he caves; he already admitted this.
So, there’s no way she can remain married to him, considering he can’t give her the one thing she wants. It’s rough for her to have to cut her losses now, but it will give her time to find a man who does want to build a family with her.
What advice do you have for her?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
