You’d think that after a decade with someone, you’d have a pretty good idea of who they are, while being able to predict their patterns.
But she found out the hard way that the person you build a life with may not always be the person who shows up when you need them the most.
And when her boyfriend finally showed his true colors, it wasn’t just their relationship that paid the price; it put a little boy who needed a home at risk.
This 50-year-old woman met her 52-year-old boyfriend, Will, online a decade ago. Back then, they had two kids each from their prior marriages. Will’s kids were 10 and 8, while hers were 6 and 4.
In their first year of dating, she and Will moved in with one another along with the kids, and they ended up fostering a neighborhood child who needed somewhere safe to live.
Overall, her time with Will has been pretty great. They successfully blended their families; however, Will has never been into equally contributing as a partner.
“I have managed most household duties, foster responsibilities, and financially contributed close to equally. Fast forward 9 years and 30+ kids in our home, and Will’s children have gone to college, and my young teens, a collection of pets, and two toddlers are living in our home,” she explained.
“Last year, Will’s dad got sick [and] died; as a result, Will was gone for nearly 3 months. Not once did I make Will feel like he needed to worry about our home and many responsibilities.”
“I wanted him to focus on being present for his dad. Upon Will’s return home, he seemed distant and uninterested in our family life. Increased drinking, hanging with his friends alone, and planning trips on his own or with friends.”
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She gave Will some space, as she anticipated that he was grieving and needed some time to bounce back to his old self. As Will was going through a rough patch, their toddler foster son, Peter, was expected to have a permanent change in guardianship.
She and Will had talked about adopting the two-year-old, who had been with them since he was only three days old, but Will was hesitant to have to start all over again as parents at their ages.
In time, Will softened to the idea and stated that he was comfortable with adopting Peter, so she told Peter’s caseworker. As the process of adopting Peter progressed, Will was unable to let her handle everything alone, as the caseworker wanted to do a few interviews with them as a couple.
As they got to the last interview, Peter’s caseworker asked them a bunch of simple questions from a list in front of them. One of the questions was why did they want to adopt Peter?
“I answered this in a child-focused way, stating how he’s great- how I fell in love with his amazing personality, natural fit in our family, etc., etc.,” she said.
“Will’s first sentence was about what a great kid Peter was, and then [it] took a sharp turn. [The] next sentence was about how he wants to retire, how he’s sure there is a better family available, [he doesn’t want] to parent anymore, etc., etc.”
“He then walked back into his office and left me with a total mess. The caseworker immediately asked how I was planning to navigate this kid’s planning with someone [who] ‘doesn’t want to parent.’ Will and I are not married, and he lives in a house owned by me.”
Peter’s caseworker insisted the only solution was to evict Will and get certified as a single parent. So, she walked right into Will’s office and let him know that he had to move out while reprimanding him for putting Peter’s future on the line.
Will moved out that very day, and she went ahead with blocking him from being able to contact her. He’s currently asking their friends to reach out to her on his behalf.
She’s left wondering if she was wrong to pick Peter over Will.
It sounds to me like Will had already checked out of their relationship and might have used Peter as an excuse to finally end things. Regardless, I would have chosen Peter instead of Will, since Peter is a defenseless child who needs stability, and it was cruel of Will to pull the plug on adopting him at the last minute.
What do you think?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
