Speed dating is a high-stakes matchmaking environment where every participant pays for the expectation of meeting someone available.
So, is there such a thing as innocent participation in a speed dating event when you’ve already said ‘I do’? Does a married person ever have a right to occupy a space specifically reserved for the unattached?
This 42-year-old man was in bed watching a show with his 38-year-old wife a few nights ago, when he could see her Googling speed dating websites.
His wife picked a website, texted it to her friend, and stated that she was happy to go along with her and participate to show her support.
The premise of this particular speed dating event is that you go to a bar, meet single people, dance, play some games, and enjoy a couple of drinks.
He confronted his wife about the whole speed dating thing, and she said she looked it up right in front of him, so he had nothing to worry about.
He responded that his wife should have addressed it with him before doing research into events for her friend, and his wife argued she knew he was going to be mad at her for wanting to do this in the first place.
To be fair, he’s furious, as he doesn’t understand why his wife would want to go to an event designed for romance and singles.
His wife is completely gorgeous, and her friend has let herself go, which is also why he doesn’t want his wife there for guys to hit on. He knows she’s going to outshine her friend, which makes him even more uncomfortable.
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He and his wife started fighting, and his wife accused him of not trusting her, since he thinks his wife should not go speed dating with her friend.
“I basically just said it’s super weird that she wants to go do this. I think it’s extremely disrespectful. I think there are other ways to be supportive of your friend, I mean, it’s literally a dating bar,” he explained.
“I don’t think she would do anything. I just think it’s weird, like super weird, that she would put herself in a situation like that. The bar is shut down, it’s only for that event, [and] you have to pay to go to the function. That’s why it makes me uncomfortable.”
“I said hypothetically, you meet some rich lawyer and get his number, and six months from now you call him because you’re mad at me. Now we’re in a huge argument, and I don’t trust her and all this stuff.”
He’s left wondering if he’s wrong for not wanting to give his wife permission to go to this thing with her friend.
Can we talk about how unfair it is for his wife to want to go to a dating event for singles, and she’s not single? How’s that for false advertising?
This is totally different from going to a normal bar with her friend and playing the role of wingwoman, which I wouldn’t find as alarming.
Beyond the ethics of the event itself, his wife’s defense of looking up the speed dating options right in front of his face is a classic deflection. Doing something questionable in plain sight doesn’t automatically make it right.
I’m afraid his wife is seeking attention in wanting to go to a singles event, because no married person thinks that’s a good time, let alone appropriate.
She’s probably curious to see what else is out there for her in terms of men. I would be livid if I were him and questioning what’s gone wrong in the marriage to cause his wife to act in this way.
What advice do you have for him?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
