Affairs rarely result in storybook endings, as there is so much pain and sadness that come out of them. But every once in a blue moon, a couple not only survives infidelity, but comes out stronger on the other side.
This woman has been with her husband since she was 18, and they tied the knot six years later. When she hit 42, her husband cheated on her.
But there were signs that her husband was unhappy, as three years before his affair, he mentioned that he was feeling miserable in their marriage.
“He had thoughts of leaving. He still loved me, but felt something was missing. I asked him if we could give it 6 months, and if he still wanted to leave, we would separate,” she explained.
“In the meantime, we would do marriage counseling. About a month after that, he had a serious health scare and told me he realized he needed me and wanted to really work on our marriage. We did counseling for about 3 months.”
“I thought we were both happier in the marriage. Things seemed to be great. We went on family vacations, enjoyed being together, [and] intimacy was as good as ever. Little did I know he was having an affair with someone he met on a business trip. For almost 3 years, on and off.”
She only learned of her husband’s infidelity when his affair partner found out that he was done with her. This woman stalked her husband and then sent her literal letters in the mail.
Her husband admitted to the affair, and they promptly went to the police, who called up her husband’s affair partner and told this woman she had to stop what she was doing.
Her husband’s affair partner swore to the authorities that she didn’t do anything, but luckily, they never heard a peep out of her again.
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“Meanwhile, my life was turned upside down. I cried every night, in his arms. It was by far the hardest thing I ever went through. But I knew I wanted to try to save our marriage, not only because I still loved him, but also for my children,” she added.
“He told me he loved me, how sorry he was, and that he was willing to put in the hard work to gain my trust back. We also really communicated for the first time about what we both needed from each other in our marriage.”
“I am not blaming myself at all for his infidelity, but I also had things I needed to work on. For us and for myself as well. That was almost 7 years ago. We are now empty-nesters and closer than we have ever been. It is almost like we are dating again.”
She and her husband managed to make wonderful memories with their children, and they wouldn’t have gotten there if they had thrown in the towel and gotten a divorce.
They recently had dinner with their two children, who were home from college, and they went to an upscale restaurant. Looking across the table at her kids, watching them laugh and smile, made her feel amazing.
And it dawned on her that she was the one who had made this all happen.
“It was because of my hard work, being stronger than I ever thought I could be, and not giving up. This summer we will be celebrating 30 years together, 24 married,” she continued.
“Of course, I wish we didn’t go through those hard years, but we made it through. It is part of our story, and I am so proud of us.”
I think she challenges something a lot of people believe pretty firmly: that staying after cheating is automatically settling, or weakness.
We’ve gotten very comfortable as a society telling women to leave, and as for the ones who don’t? We tend to assume that they’re broken or desperate. It’s nice to hear about a woman who breaks that mold.
Do you think staying after infidelity is ever the right call, or is that something you personally would never entertain?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
