When you are married, you should be your spouse’s safe harbor and anchor. But for her, she and her husband are living separate lives in the same house.
She excused their lack of affection as a personality trait, only to find out that her husband has been secretly funneling money they don’t have into the pockets of Snapchat models. Now she’s going through heartbreak over his hidden habit that’s causing their family to suffer.
This 37-year-old woman and her 37-year-old husband have spent the last 18 years together, and they tied the knot a decade ago. They’re just drifting through marriage, and they’re currently more like roommates than husband and wife.
Her husband has never been into physical romance, and that’s why she excused the fact that they haven’t slept together in five years. Also, their fertility struggles killed off any physical connection they did have.
Back when they were dating, there was a lack of that kind of love, and she was fine with it, since they aligned on basically everything else a couple can be on the same page about.
“But here we are, years later, and I feel invisible and undesirable. I’ve gone to my husband with this a couple of times, and the conversation always ends the same way- he will say something like, ‘I know I can’t do anything right, I’m a loser,'” she explained.
“I’ll tell him that I feel like I know he loves me, I just don’t think he likes me anymore. And his response is always, ‘I can’t imagine my life without you.'”
“He always talks about his two female coworkers and refers to them as his ‘work wives,’ so my insecurity is heightened. Because I’ve been feeling insecure and like an afterthought, I ended up going through his phone, which I have never done, and found that his Instagram is full of half [clothed] models and he DMs them.”
She also uncovered messages her husband has sent to one of his work wives, and they were super flirtatious. Her husband told his work wife that he hopes she never leaves their company since seeing her makes his day.
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Her husband’s work wife also asked him to come to a party and bring her, but he declined. She’s not concerned about this woman because she’s not interested in men.
Next, she went through her husband’s Venmo to see what he’s been spending money on, and she saw that he’s been paying Snapchat models for photos!
She was furious because they literally had to decide earlier in the week between purchasing food for them and their children (a 10-month-old and a 3-year-old) and putting money towards their car loan.
After paying their bills, they don’t have any money left over. They don’t have any money saved. They have nothing to fall back on, and they can’t really make ends meet. They’re the epitome of living paycheck to paycheck.
She’s not sure how to call her husband out for spending money they don’t have on girls, because it will require her to confess to snooping through his phone.
“I’m not perfect; I have many flaws. My hormones are out of whack, and I have gained a lot of weight from IVF and pregnancies, so I understood that he wasn’t attracted to me because I don’t really try,” she added.
“But also, just because I’m not an Instagram model doesn’t mean I’m any less deserving of love and affection. Especially from a guy who has ‘never been into [physical affection].'”
“We’ve been through counseling before because of the infertility, and nothing changed from it- he wouldn’t do the ‘homework’ with me because he was too embarrassed. I think I’m to the point where I want to leave, but I also don’t want to only see my kids half of the time, and honestly, I can’t afford to live on my own until the kids are out of daycare.”
She feels like she’s suffering, and she’s not sure if she should keep doing so without saying anything or if she should figure out a way to file for divorce.
This is so triggering for her because her dad cheated on her mom, and her mom stayed with him. She’s left wondering if she should admit to her husband that she looked through his phone and at least wants a separation.
Yeah, her husband is not a good partner, nor is he worth staying with. He’s wasting money they don’t have, and it’s directly impacting their family in a negative way.
I think she should file for divorce because her husband is deceptive, and the reason why they’re financially unstable.
What advice do you have for her?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
