We pretty much all have a rhythm we fall into when the world gets too loud, or our minds feel bored or restless, and it’s called stimming.
Stimming involves repetitive patterns that are far more than just fidgeting, as they’re essential tools for internal balance. Some examples of stimming include twisting your hair, bouncing your leg, biting your nails, or clicking a pen.
Stimming behaviors are also a hallmark of the neurodivergent experience, but at their core, they’re the universal language of self-regulation that helps every one of us navigate our environment.
Now, this 33-year-old woman is autistic, and it’s something she discloses to the men she dates, as she thinks it’s important for guys to understand as they get to know her.
She’s been dating a 35-year-old guy since November, and during their first date, she did stim throughout their time spent together.
“On our first movie date, I was stimming occasionally during the movie (for me, that looks like wiggling my fingers behind my head),” she explained.
“It’s not something I think about; it happens for a lot of reasons- excitement, noise, a strong emotion, etc. He told me to stop that. I tried to educate him about what stimming is and how it happens sometimes without much thought.”
On two different dates following the first one, this guy snapped at her to quit stimming, and she kept on attempting to get him to understand why she was doing it and what it was.
It obviously didn’t sink in, though, as last night, they had a dinner date. Five seconds into being at the restaurant, she started wiggling her fingers, and he yelled at her not to do that.
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She was so sick and tired of the disrespect and ignorance that she just dumped him right then and there in the restaurant, over dinner.
“I told him that I no longer wanted to continue dating because I am exhausted of trying to educate him about stimming, and I do not want to be told to ‘stop’ or ‘don’t do that’ every time it happens, like I have done something wrong,” she continued.
“I feel bad, but I am proud of myself for standing up for myself in a way that I wouldn’t have when I was younger.”
She’s left wondering if she was being unreasonable, especially since he said she broke his heart by dumping him.
Well, he shouldn’t have gotten on her case about something so harmless. Who cares if she wiggles her fingers? I mean, I twist my hair, even though I’m not autistic, and if someone yelled at me about that, I wouldn’t be tolerant.
Do you think she did the right thing?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
