If you went through all the work of having a baby with someone, only for them to turn around and say they’re no longer interested in being a parent, would you want to keep on being married to them?
Six weeks ago, this woman gave birth to her son, and it’s her and her husband’s first child. Over the last couple of days, everyone in their household has been sick, and her husband tries to take the baby so she can get some shuteye when he’s free.
Her husband does have a full-time job, and she’s currently on maternity leave, so all of the childcare is really left to her to deal with at the moment.
It’s working out currently because they’re sleeping at opposite times due to her husband’s schedule. Earlier today, she asked her husband if he could watch their son for a little bit so she could squeeze in a bit of sleep. She had attempted to lie down with the baby beside her, but he wasn’t down for a nap.
She felt terribly exhausted, and it’s not helpful that her husband thinks she doesn’t need to sleep as much as he does since she is home alone all day.
Anyway, her husband took their son, and she said he should wake her up when it’s time to feed the baby. About an hour or so later, the baby got hungry, and she asked her husband to give him a bottle.
Her husband got angry since she went back on her word, but he did get the bottle. After her husband gave the baby the bottle, the baby was still screaming.
Next, her husband started yelling at the baby because he was so upset and was shouting at him to be quiet. She got up to find out what was happening, and her husband had put the baby in the crib so he could go on his computer.
She got upset with her husband for not even trying to calm the baby down, and her husband insisted that he was doing that since he had given the baby the pacifier.
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“I said he wants interaction, he’s awake, you can’t just leave him to scream in his crib, note it’s not even nighttime. He then goes off, saying just divorce me, I don’t want to be a dad, I regret this, I can’t handle it, I don’t want this family…etc,” she explained.
“My heart felt sad. Our marriage has not been in a good place for a while, and I’ve thought of moving [the baby and me] away to be with my family ( live out of state), but it hurt to hear him say that, especially because earlier he was talking about how much he loves our son.”
She actually chose not to move, since she was scared that her husband would fight her for custody, and it would definitely not look good for her to move away if they ended up in family court.
Additionally, she’s been holding out for them to figure out their problems so they can ultimately function as a family, but that’s not materializing.
Overall, her husband is decent with the baby, but he doesn’t participate very much when it comes to actual childcare. Her husband hates to change diapers, so she’s left doing that.
“He loves to hold and talk to the baby, but once it gets hard, that’s it for him. So generally he’s good with the babe, but there have been other incidents like this, he just never said he didn’t want to be a dad, and that I should leave him (with the baby),” she added.
“I’m scared because one of us has to be a stay-at-home parent. I wish it could be me, but right now his job doesn’t cover our living expenses, and we’ve been using my savings. I have the opportunity to make a lot of money; my job offered me a promotion for when I return, so we agreed he’d stay home with the babe, as much as I wanted to be with him full time.”
“Now I don’t trust him. We don’t have anyone else for childcare. His family is not willing to do full-time childcare, but even if they did, I don’t think I’d trust them to.”
She’s largely going off her instincts on her in-laws not being capable of caring for the baby, but one time, her mother-in-law babysat and tried to give the baby way too much milk.
Her husband is mainly to blame for that incident, as he didn’t tell his mom that their baby needed 2 ounces of formula when she tried to give the baby 9.
She just doesn’t understand why her mother-in-law would have thought that was a good idea when she raised four children of her own.
“Even if you don’t remember how much an infant that little usually eats, you didn’t think to ask?? There has been speculation that she is showing signs of dementia between him and his sister, because it does run in their family, but IDK if it’s really true,” she continued.
“I don’t know what to do. I’ll try talking to him to see if that’s really what he wants when he’s in a better mood. I think I need to take the baby to be with my family, but I don’t want a custody battle.”
She’s left wondering what to do now that her husband has said he’s no longer interested in being a dad and they should get a divorce.
She’s right in thinking that her husband doesn’t have what it takes to be a stay-at-home dad if this is how poorly things are going already.
Her husband is showing her who he is, and she should leave him. He’s also literally telling her he’s not equipped to handle being a parent. Time to start listening.
What advice do you have for her?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
