Imagine finding out that your spouse is completely penniless, despite telling you for years not to worry about money because they had plenty.
Would you be calling up divorce lawyers ASAP, or helping them do something, anything, to rebuild a nest egg?
This 40-year-old woman has one son from her first marriage. Following her divorce, she became a single mom, and her ex-husband failed to pay her child support.
It was challenging having to support her son on her own while recreating her life, but she did it and came to love how things turned out for them.
Five years ago, she met her current husband, who is 20 years older than her, through work. Her new husband has his own company, and she was trying to find a man, but they hit it off.
After a couple of months of dating, her husband stayed over so much that he moved into her house. One year later, they got engaged, and she made sure to have him sign a prenup before they tied the knot so her son would always be secure.
“My son loves him and calls him dad. My family and friends adore him, and he’s always been kind and generous with us. We split our expenses in a way that worked for us,” she explained.
“We paid rent 50/50, I handled the household bills, and he was in charge of food and entertainment (going out, activities, etc.). Not long after moving in, he had to close his business, but he always reassured me we were financially fine. Because he’s near retirement age, I didn’t push too hard. I assumed he had savings and things under control.”
“For the last couple of years, he’s been mostly a stay-at-home dad while I work full time. He cooks, cleans, and supports me at home, which I appreciate. But over time, things started to feel different. When we met, he was very active, went to the gym, had friends, and hobbies.”
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Her husband has evolved into hanging out at home and spending his time watching TV. He no longer exercises or spends time with his loved ones.
She’s tried to get him to get out of the house more, but he’s not interested in a part-time job, or hobbies, or volunteering, or doing anything except lounging around.
While all of this has been happening, she and her husband have quit going out on dates. They’ve only been on two this year, and she had to plan them.
And then, this past Monday, her husband made an earth-shattering confession to her: he is utterly broke. He has no money.
“His savings are gone, and the remaining money connected to his business is no longer available. What upset me wasn’t the money; it was that he never told me things were getting this bad,” she added.
“Now, suddenly, I’m responsible for everything financially, and our current lifestyle is honestly not something I can afford alone. I’ve always been transparent with him about what I can and can’t afford. When I told him I was upset, he said he thinks I was fine before because there was money, and now I’m only upset because there isn’t.”
“But that’s not how I see it. I’m upset because he hid the situation and never really tried to restart the business, find work, or even plan for the future with me or that I had to carry all myself (he’s still hasn’t done anything I’m resolving this situation alone) also I have tried to speak with him before about how I was feeling prior to the big bomb but I feel like he never truly listened to what I say, his response: ‘I love you so much, I’ve never felt like this before, I’m so happy with you I don’t need anyone or anything else.'”
She replied that it’s time for her husband to start acting like the head of their household, a partner, and a man again. He can’t keep staying at home, especially considering he has no money.
Speaking of money, she’s so angry that her husband has told her all along that they were financially fine and that he had cash. She didn’t think to ask him for bank statements because she trusted him.
She never imagined a man his age, two decades older than her, would need her to babysit his finances or supervise his spending habits.
While she is grateful that her husband helps out so much with the housework, he needs to grow up and get a life instead of making her the center of his universe while also finding a way to bring home the bacon.
However, she’s left feeling guilty for questioning her marriage amid her husband’s struggles, and she’s curious if she’s wrong to be so mad.
What do you think?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
