How would you feel if your spouse and your friend went to sleep in a hotel room alone one night while on vacation, and didn’t include you? Would you be upset? Or worried that they’re hooking up?
This 27-year-old woman planned a trip to go camping and to an adventure park for spring break. Her friends like her 30-year-old husband, so she invited him to come along.
Her husband didn’t help plan the getaway, but she didn’t think that should have been on him to accomplish. They were supposed to leave at 7 a.m. and then drive three hours to the adventure park. They took separate cars, though some of her friends carpooled.
She packed at the last minute and was up until 2 a.m. finishing that, and she didn’t mind since she can function without much sleep.
As for her husband? Well, he stayed up late with her and then complained about it. She decided to drive since her husband was tired, and after they got to their destination, she was upset because her husband was still complaining.
“We met up with my friends, and start going on rides. My sister and her girlfriend join us. My friends are excited. My husband doesn’t like her, so he’s not, and then is irritated I didn’t tell him (I told her our plans, but she surprised us by showing up),” she explained.
“…Then, after our first ride, my husband splits off and goes with 2 of the friends. We had a group of 7. Then, for practically the rest of the day, it’s that split group. My husband starts hanging out around one of the friends (20F).”
“She is the youngest of the group; we are all between 20 and 30, all about 2 years apart. And he is glued to her side practically the whole day. They even were alone for parts of it as the 5 of us wanted to get the most out of it. My friend (20F) also didn’t get great sleep and didn’t prepare well. She got overstimulated and was homesick and exhausted. She got a hotel room.”
The hotel room her friend booked had two enormous beds, so her friend invited her husband to stay there alone with her!
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Not only that, but her husband paid for her friend’s birthday dinner a couple of weeks earlier, and her friend said the hotel room could be her repayment.
Her friend didn’t mention the hotel room to her or the remainder of their friend group. Her husband asked her if she was interested in staying at the hotel, but he didn’t say he was staying in there with her friend, and she declined, as she was more into camping.
Her husband went to the hotel room with her friend, and to be honest, she’s not worried that they hooked up. Her friend has a boyfriend and categorizes herself as “aromantic.”
Her friend hates physical touch and won’t even kiss her own boyfriend, so she’s convinced there was no funny business happening behind closed doors.
“But it’s still odd that they were together all day, that she never invited me, and that he thought it was okay to stay at a hotel with someone else privately, or at least check that it was okay with me first,” she added.
“My sister obviously thought it was weird. My other friends didn’t explicitly say anything, but 2 of them had already set up a tent and asked if I wanted to stay with them, so they felt bad when my husband decided not to stay with me.”
“I haven’t said anything to either of them. I can understand that they wanted a comfy bed, both autistic, but I still feel enraged that they didn’t stop to think that maybe it was weird only the two of them were in a hotel together.”
She has not brought this up to her husband or her friend, as she’s struggling with how to address it. She never would have done this to them, and she wouldn’t dream of asking another woman’s husband to sleep in a hotel room without inviting them along too.
It’s been a day since this all happened, so she’s a bit calmer, but she would like to address her feelings with her friend and her husband. She does think they betrayed her and her trust.
This is hardly the first time her husband has failed to think of her or check that she’s alright before he does something so for her, this is the last straw.
“It’s the first offense with this friend, but it breaks girl code IMO. There is a big age gap, but that’s never been an issue before. I’ve been like an older sister,” she continued.
“We met at school, as I’m going back to school and [am] in college now. I just wouldn’t have done that at her age. Is that not common knowledge that you don’t ask somebody’s husband to stay with you in a hotel in a monogamous relationship?”
“I could understand if either of us were polyamorous, but we aren’t, and there was still a lack of communication. I know my feelings are valid, but I’m not sure how to bring them up. Right now, I just want to cut them both out of my life. I just wouldn’t do that to someone!”
She’s left wondering what to say to them, and how to say it.
I am concerned about her husband even liking her, because he spent the whole trip with another girl and stayed in a hotel room with her.
I’m not convinced her husband and her friend didn’t hook up, and what they did is wildly inappropriate. She should just confront them in a simple way and ask why they thought it would be cool to share a hotel room alone.
What advice do you have for her?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
