There’s really no good way to deal with being the child of a scandal. But if how you entered the world can be seen as a social liability, are you required to disclose it, or is it acceptable to lie to avoid the judgment and jaw-dropping?
This 36-year-old woman’s closest loved ones know the story of how she came to be, but other than them, she lies to everyone she meets and says her dad adopted her as an infant and raised her all alone.
The story she gives people is that her dad’s friend got in trouble as a teen and asked if he would like to adopt her. Since her dad always dreamed of having kids and knew being in his 40s meant the clock was ticking, he jumped at the chance.
“It’s also a lie…mostly. The truth is much less nice. My father was in his 40s when I was born (43), and my biological mother was a teenager (16),” she explained.
“The truth is that my father is my biological father. My father, a partner at the firm where he worked, decided to have a romantic relationship with a teenage intern they’d hired for the summer. She got pregnant. Obviously, her family got involved.”
“With how far along my biological mother was, there were only two options: adoption or parenthood. Nobody wanted to force her into motherhood, but my father, who realized that this might be his only chance at being a father, made it clear he was not willing to agree to an adoption.”
Her biological mom and her family members ultimately gave her dad full custody of her, and they acted like it was an official adoption.
After her mom gave birth to her, her dad brought her home from the hospital and stepped into the role of a single dad. Her mom did come to visit her a handful of times when she was very young, but they’re not close.
The extent of their interactions involves her mom sending her cars for holidays and following one another on social media these days.
Sign up for Chip Chick’s newsletter and get stories like this delivered to your inbox.
“Of course, what he did is disgusting and not ever okay. But that’s what happened, that’s how I came to be. I didn’t do it, and I can’t change it,” she continued.
“The problem is that every time I’ve ever shared the true story, it’s demanded of me to take a political soapbox and give a million disclaimers.”
“If I want to keep being socially acceptable, I have to immediately apologize for not being [terminated], immediately disown my father, and all but start crying over not having a mother.”
The thing is, she doesn’t feel the way people expect her to about how she entered the world; she’s at peace with it all. She’s not mad at her mom for not wanting to be a teen mom.
She’s also not upset that her dad did want to raise her. Her dad was a good parent, and he passed away when she turned 19, so he’s no longer here.
At the same time, she doesn’t think about how she was deprived of a mom. Her mom does have a life of her own, and she’s entitled to it.
“The bad things that happened in my childhood had nothing to do with either of them. I’m tired of feeling guilty for existing. I was tired of it when I was 16, and that’s why I tell people this adoption story instead,” she concluded.
Well, this hits home for me because one of my sisters has thought about whether or not to tell people our biological father is no longer alive, which isn’t quite true, in order to avoid diving into a sordid family story.
Personally, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with avoiding disclosing a messy family history, and it’s ok not to want to share that with people.
I used to go down the path of being honest about my own father, and very few people could understand it. I don’t think she owes anyone the story of her life, and she can keep it to herself or bend the truth to avoid being judged.
What advice do you have for her?
You can read the original post below.
By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
