If you were about to marry someone who then confessed that they were no longer attracted to your body, would you still want to follow through with the wedding?
This 32-year-old woman and her 40-year-old fiancé have been with one another for a couple of years. They originally met in church, became friends, and then started dating. While they have had quite a lengthy relationship, she would not characterize it as effortless.
She’s always felt like the one who has been pushing for specific milestones, and when she stopped driving the relationship, only then would her fiancé take the initiative. She has had to be the one to fight for their relationship.
“I’ve always been a chubby woman. I’ve struggled with my weight since childhood, so body image has always been a sensitive topic for me,” she explained.
“I’m not extremely overweight; just a few extra pounds that I’d like to lose for my own health. I’ve never wanted to be extremely thin. I like having curves. One of the reasons I felt safe with him was because he never made me feel like I needed to change my body to be loved.”
Her fiancé constantly told her that he appreciated women with curves, and he didn’t try to make her stick to a diet or anything like that.
He was so supportive of her that her confidence grew in their time spent together, when she had spent the majority of her life feeling uncomfortable in her own skin.
On to their biggest challenge: her fiancé has never been very forthcoming with his emotions. He also dragged his feet about discussing marriage for far too long.
Following their engagement, her fiancé didn’t actually tell his family that he had proposed. When it came to wedding planning, he didn’t want to really be included.
Three months before their wedding, her fiancé informed her that he was no longer attracted to her body.
“He said he had been struggling with my weight for a long time, but didn’t know how to tell me. He also admitted that if the registry office appointment hadn’t forced the issue, he probably wouldn’t have said anything,” she added.
“He also told me that he wanted me to lose weight before we had children. From what he said, I understood that he wanted me to become much thinner before trying for a baby.”
“He also said he would be unhappy if I got pregnant soon after the wedding because he wanted more time first. This conversation happened shortly after I had gone through a pregnancy loss.”
She was actively grieving the loss of her baby and was drowning in her emotions. She looked to her fiancé to support her, but his words broke her instead with his dose of honesty about her appearance.
She ultimately called off their wedding since she cannot get over what her fiancé revealed. It wasn’t just the words he used; it was his tone as well and the timing of it all.
He is currently hurt that she canceled their wedding and thinks she should not have gone to such an extreme. Apparently, he still wants to marry her.
“He has apologized and keeps asking what would make me reconsider. But I honestly don’t know,” she added.
Her fiancé’s candid chat has ruined her trust. She can’t look at him without wondering if he really does like her or not. She’s also been looking back on their relationship and questioning certain bits.
She’s thinking she may have turned a blind eye to his numerous red flags. She’s concerned that she wanted so desperately to get married that she didn’t pay attention.
“The wedding is currently canceled. I don’t even know if I want to get married anymore, not just to him, but at all. Something that used to make me happy now fills me with anxiety,” she continued.
“Am I overreacting for feeling like his words permanently changed the relationship? Is this something that couples can realistically recover from, or is the trust already gone?”
She shouldn’t just cancel the wedding; she should cancel this man. She cannot marry him or even be in a relationship with him, knowing he doesn’t even like her, which has me wanting to know why he even proposed in the first place.
She needs to run, not walk away from him.
What advice do you have for her?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
