What’s the point of working hard and having a job, but not being able to spend a bit of money on the one thing you love to do in your free time?
Even though his hobby turned a profit last year, his wife has branded him a thief for not clearing every dime he’s spent with her first. It’s a bizarre double standard, especially since she has no problem spending money on her own interests.
This 46-year-old man is the breadwinner in his family. He works 40 hours a week and spends 10 hours on top of that commuting to his job.
His 40-year-old wife works only two days a week outside of their house and is a stay-at-home mom for the remainder of the week.
His income is three times what his wife’s is. The only debt they’re in is for car loans and a mortgage. All the rest of their expenses are paid with his income, though his wife occasionally contributes to some of their bills.
“In her eyes, every spare dollar should go to the mortgage or car loans. There are 3 young kids in the house ranging from 3-8, and I do all of the meal prep, clean up, laundry, baths, and bedtime routine, haul the trash out, do the yard work, etc., etc.,” he explained.
“My singular hobby is guitar. I like to find deals on cheap guitars, then flip them for a profit and buy something else. My spouse, at one point, told me she didn’t want to hear about guitars and not to talk about them around her.”
“So, I stopped talking about them. Suddenly, I was branded a liar, sneak, and thief for ‘stealing from the family.’ Also, for not telling her that I was selling or shipping a guitar out. She carries several subscriptions that she uses regularly, [and] has spent monthly money on regular lessons for her ‘hobby.'”
They recently were in a joint therapy session, when it was suggested that he create a spreadsheet in order to track what he’s spending money on, as well as the guitar sales, to come up with an allowance for him to spend how he pleases.
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His wife argued that he should not have a dime to spend on himself when their whole family has expenses. Anyway, he looked back on the last 13 months of his hobby, and he’s actually up $78.
Technically, his hobby has brought in money for their family, even though it’s not a ton. He’s left wondering if he’s a jerk for believing he should be allowed to have a hobby without an allowance.
“To my spouse, anything over say $10 bucks needs to be a joint decision,” he concluded.
His wife is financially abusive, and she is also horrible for telling him he’s not cleared to spend money on his one single hobby. It’s also insane to me that she’s making him do all of their household chores on top of him being the provider.
Why is he even in this marriage?!
What advice do you have for him?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
