She grew up thinking her dad was just a guy who didn’t want her. Turns out, her mom had a box of cards hidden away in the basement that told a very different story than the one her mom spun.
This young woman’s mom and dad got divorced back when she was three, and she doesn’t have any memories of him because she was so little.
Her mom told her that her dad walked out on them, didn’t feel like being a parent, and chose having a new life over being involved in hers.
“She’d get this sad look whenever I asked about him and say stuff like ‘some people just aren’t meant to be parents, sweetie.’ I believed her. Why wouldn’t I? Last week, I was home doing laundry and found this box of old cards in the basement,” she explained.
“Birthday cards. Christmas cards. All addressed to me, from my dad. From ages 4 to 16. I’ve never seen them before in my life. There was also a stack of checks, all made out to my mom. Child support. Which she told me he never paid.”
“I confronted her yesterday, and she got SO defensive. Started saying he was manipulative, that the cards didn’t mean anything, that she was ‘protecting’ me. When I pushed back, she literally said, ‘You don’t understand what I went through,’ and locked herself in her room.”
She decided to call her aunt, who is her dad’s sister, even though she’s only met her two times, since her mom deemed her dad’s side of the family toxic.
Her aunt told her that her dad spent years trying to see her. He went to court, he tried mediation, he did everything in his power to be in her life, but her mom cut him out of it.
Her mom canceled visits with him at the very last moment, saying she was sick. Her mom also moved them without giving her dad their new address.
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“My aunt said he only stopped trying when I was 16 because his lawyer told him that at that point I was old enough to reach out myself if I wanted to… but I never knew any of this existed,” she continued.
“I feel sick. Like, I don’t even know who my mom is. She’s been the only parent I’ve ever known, and now I’m wondering what else she’s lied about.”
I think she needs to get in contact with her dad and find out his side of the story while also waiting for her mom to tell her her version of events.
It’s her right to know the truth, and after getting all of the details for herself, she can decide what she wants to do. If she wants to have a relationship with her dad, she absolutely should have one.
What advice do you have for her?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
