We all cope with trauma in different ways, but it’s truly sad when the process of coming to terms with something devastating destroys our relationship with a loved one.
What would you do if your parent confessed to you that the reason they stopped wanting a close relationship with you came down to a traumatic event none of you had control over?
Back when this girl was about five or six, she went to the mall to see Santa along with her mom, her aunt, her cousin, and her sibling (who was just a baby back then).
After finishing up at the mall, they were out in the parking lot, walking back to their car, when the scarf she had on flew off her. She raced after it and got hit by a pickup truck in the process.
“The truck didn’t see me and tried to keep moving forward with me wedged underneath the front tires until my mom yelled at the driver, and they stopped and got out,” she explained.
“I had no injuries, and to this day, the event was not traumatic to me. I got checked in an ambulance, received a couple [of] stuffed animals, and went on my way.”
“My mom had always been very sensitive to me talking about it. Frankly, I didn’t really even remember it happened until middle school and then again in high school when I wrote an essay about it.”
Back in January, she wrote down in her diary that it was torturous and unbearable for her to not understand why she failed to have a bond with her mom.
Her mom is super close to her brothers, but not her or her sister. If she and her siblings need something, they go to their dad, since he’s the supportive parent always down to dole out advice.
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Her mom isn’t warm or cuddly, nor does she act like you would think a mom should. Her mom somehow inspired her to go to grad school, and while she was graduating with her undergrad degree, her mom was graduating with her doctorate.
They had planned on a celebratory dinner to commemorate their accomplishments, but her mom and dad got into a huge argument that day, and her mom called off the dinner. That means she never did get to have a celebration for graduating from college.
Anyway, over the weekend, she did go home to visit her family, and her mom revealed something shocking to her.
“Then, while watching TV and eating, my mom said, ‘I’ve been thinking about our relationship together and how it changed. I always wondered what happened because I was so obsessed with you as my firstborn, and we spent all of our time together when you were little. I realized that when you were hit by a car, part of me, as a coping strategy, started distancing myself from you emotionally. It was easier to process my fear and guilt if I didn’t have that connection with you. I never realized it until I was talking to your dad and he said I should tell you,'” she explained.
“There was more to it, but that’s the gist. I sat with this for a couple of days, mostly numb. I told her I appreciate her telling me, but I have a lot to process before I respond. And she said maybe she shouldn’t have told me.”
“But yesterday I cried pretty hard about it. I have empathy for her. I know it must have been traumatic and scary, and I know it wasn’t like that for me, but what about me? How did this affect me when I was 6? I don’t know.”
I guess it’s not as difficult to deal with trauma when you emotionally detach from someone, even if it is your own kid. But at the same time, you would think coming close to losing someone would bring you closer together.
It is warped and narcissistic that her mom has been emotionally neglecting her to protect herself, and I think this means she’s selfishly more in love with herself than her own child.
Her mom robbed her of, well, having a mom, and no amount of therapy can fix that. It might be healthier for her to just cut her mom out of her life.
What advice do you have for her?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
