How would you feel if your spouse refused to get a higher-paying job in order to fulfill your dreams of starting a family, because they were too concerned with how their coworkers would fare in their absence? Would you find that dynamic backward?
This 29-year-old woman has been married to her 30-year-old husband for two years, but they have been together for more than ten years.
For the last five years, her husband has had a career as a lawyer at a tiny firm that has gotten starkly smaller since he began working there.
In the beginning, there were four lawyers, one of whom was his boss and the owner of the firm. They also employed an office manager, a marketing person, and a couple of paralegals.
“But over the last 2 years, the firm has experienced significant difficulties. Almost all of the staff have been let go, except for 2 paralegals, my husband, and the owner,” she explained.
“My husband took a significant pay cut in order to advocate for those 2 paralegals keeping their jobs, and he also came off of the employer-provided health insurance to try and save the firm some money (he switched to my job’s employer-provided health insurance, which is very expensive and effectively cut my paycheck in half).”
“The owner is nice, but she’s a horrible business owner and really does not know what she’s doing, which I think has really contributed to the financial issues the firm has been having.”
Although the firm is struggling, the owner takes several vacations abroad a year and coughed up the cash for her kid to attend a super pricey study-abroad program for one semester of college.
Aside from the owner, her husband is the only lawyer in the place, so he’s left to deal with more than 150 clients all alone. He’s working like a crazy person, and his output is that of a handful of people.
Sign up for Chip Chick’s newsletter and get stories like this delivered to your inbox.
Her husband is making $50,000 to $75,000 less than what he should, given his talents and accomplishments. Her husband has had more people than she can count on two hands tell him to get a different job, but he won’t listen.
His friends, family members, and even old coworkers don’t get why he’s still choosing to be on the Titanic, but he’s so loyal and altruistic that it’s painful to witness.
“He doesn’t want to leave because he knows if he does, the firm will shut down, and the 2 remaining employees will lose their jobs,” she added.
“I understand and appreciate how much he cares about others, but at the same time, that decision is also hindering our ability to expand our family.”
“We both are excited to become parents, but I don’t feel comfortable bringing a child into the mix when our current salaries barely cover our monthly expenses. I have expressed that to him, but he usually dismisses me with vague reassurances like ‘don’t worry, we’ll figure it out when the time comes.'”
None of their loved ones live in the immediate area, so if and when they do have a child, they will have to come up with childcare money (which is far more expensive than her monthly income) or she will have to quit her job, which will eliminate their health insurance as well as her income.
She is desperately attempting to get her husband to see that he needs a higher-paying job in order for them to be able to afford a child, since they’re currently too poor to be parents.
She’s left wondering how she can get her husband to walk away from his stagnant job so they can finally have a baby.
First of all, winging it is the worst strategy when it comes to having a kid, so I really dislike that her husband thinks they can do that, especially when money is a pain point.
My read on her husband is that maybe he doesn’t really want kids if he keeps dismissing the fact that they don’t have the money to support one, and he’s not willing to make a career change.
It’s sad to me that he cares more about his coworkers than he does about her and her dreams of starting a family. I wish her husband was loyal to her and made her the priority.
Perhaps they can go to couples counseling to sort this all out, because this issue has to run deeper than not having the cash to have a baby.
What advice do you have for her?
You can read the original post below.
By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
