If you were engaged to someone and then learned that their teen child didn’t like you, so the wedding had to be placed on hold, would that make you reconsider your entire relationship? Or would you think that with enough time, it could all get worked out?
For the last five years, this 30-year-old woman has been with her 36-year-old fiancé, who is a widower with a 13-year-old daughter.
Her fiancé’s daughter was three when her mom passed away. Throughout her entire time spent with her fiancé, he has made it crystal clear to her that he will never marry a woman his daughter hates.
She was sympathetic to that, and she was under the impression his daughter actually liked her, since they did get along well; it’s not like they fought like cats and dogs.
“She said she was good with me. He talked to her as our relationship progressed, and she gave her okay for me to move in and for us to get married,” she explained.
“But she confided in my fiancé’s sister (40F) that she wasn’t actually okay with it. She doesn’t really like me, and she doesn’t want him to get married again. She said she only said it was okay and said she liked me because she didn’t think I was that bad.”
“But her plan is to never get actually close to me, and she’s decided she won’t ever care for siblings if we have any children together or her dad has kids with someone who isn’t her mom.”
Her fiancé’s sister then turned around and filled them both in. Her fiancé had a chat with his daughter about the feelings she confessed to his sister, and she confirmed they’re all true.
That’s just how this kid feels, and she informed her fiancé that he shouldn’t have another woman in his life or have children with a woman who is not her mom, since she will not consider them to be her siblings.
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Her fiancé then came to her after speaking to his daughter, and he mentioned getting her into therapy, as her emotions are focused on having her mom replaced.
“Because of this, the wedding will be on hold regardless. But I’m simply not sure we should get married at all. I want to have children, and I want a happy family, and it doesn’t sound like we can have that together,” she continued.
“But I love him, and I love his daughter, and I love what we have built. But I don’t truly know yet if that’s the right call or not, and I don’t want to make any rash decisions.”
Well, holding off on the wedding until this is resolved is the way to go, but she has to ask herself if she’s willing to wait around to see if therapy can get her fiancé’s daughter to come around, because it might not work.
If this kid is open to it, I think she should ask for family therapy on top of individual therapy for her fiancé’s daughter, since that sounds like it could make a difference.
In the meantime, she should let her fiancé’s daughter know that she’s not trying to replace her mom at all, because that may help allay her fears a bit.
But I do think it’s a very real possibility that this kid may never warm up to her, since she’s already had five years to adjust, and in that case, there’s no saving this relationship.
Do you think she should call off the wedding and reconsider her engagement in light of how her fiancé’s daughter is feeling? Or would that be too severe a reaction?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
