I don’t really think that somebody blows up their marriage in 30 days unless they’ve been planning an exit for months. If you realized your partner had lined up their next relationship before even ending yours, how would you feel?
This 36-year-old man spent 13 years married to his 32-year-old wife, but then she asked him for a divorce 10 months ago. Four months ago, he discovered that his wife was sleeping with her boss, and she had started doing that the same month she requested their divorce.
Well, his wife claims this is when the affair started, so he can’t be certain since she is a liar, and he suspects his wife was sleeping with her boss for longer than she let on.
What really hurts is that three months into the divorce, he was still sleeping with his wife, and they were talking about trying to fix their marriage.
“She was sleeping with both of us for at least 2 months, and he (her boss) knew she was sleeping with me. I feel disgusted and violated,” he explained.
“I found out about her affair myself. She wasn’t going to tell me. They are now official, and she wants to introduce the kids to him. I am against it, but sadly, there is nothing I can do.”
“The kids have seen him on [a] video call. We have 3 children together. What’s even more disgusting is that he helped her get promoted whilst they were sleeping together a month after she asked me for [a] divorce.”
His wife was promoted to the store manager, which was her boss’s job, and he went on to work for a different store. After he uncovered the affair on his own, his wife admitted she had intense feelings for her boss, but doubted he felt the same way about her.
His wife’s boss is 11 years older than his wife, and spent 20 years married to his own wife, with whom he shares four kids. Now, he doesn’t want to win his wife back.
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They have joint custody of their kids, meaning he’s going to have to interact with his wife on some level for the next 12 years, until their kids are grown.
“I have a new partner myself now who is amazing and treats me so well, so I’m not the bitter lonely ex. My new partner is attractive and 10 years younger than me, and is fine with my three kids, which only shows how much I have to offer,” he added.
“I just want closure. I feel like the way she ended our marriage was extremely disrespectful towards me and towards what we had been building for many years.”
“I was 100% loyal for 13 years and not once even talked to another woman, and I feel like I didn’t deserve it. Her excuse was that she had been emotionally checked out of the relationship for the last three years.”
His wife lied and emotionally cheated on him for years leading up to the affair with her boss, and looking back, he’s worried she got physical with other men before that. He’s even heard rumors about his wife sleeping with her last boss, which he doubted at the time.
They’re nearing the end of their divorce, and he believes a lot more will leak out once that’s wrapped up. In the last few years of their marriage, his wife said he was suffocating, insecure, and controlling. She even accused him of cheating on her and lying.
Currently, she’s hoping for them to stay friends, and she’s nice to him when they exchange the kids. She also likes to stare at him like she’s still attracted to him, which he ignores.
He’s actually blocked her from being able to contact him aside from emails. He’s considering taking her to court so he can get full custody of their kids.
“Our relationship has been very high conflict since I found out about her affair with her boss. There was no way for her to defend herself, so she made false accusations, including domestic violence, reporting me to the police, and taking the kids from me,” he continued.
“I have never ever assaulted her physically, even in the most minor way. This crossed the line for me. She has insulted and belittled me so much that I cannot carry on like this. I want her erased from my life.”
“Am I being irrational for wanting full custody and no contact with her in any way at all? Am I exaggerating my response to her actions? I know that many would say that affairs, cheating, lying, and gaslighting are part of life, but not me. I want her erased.”
While his divorce is almost done, he can’t get over the trauma he’s faced from all of her cheating and lying. He desperately wants a resolution.
I don’t see how he’s going to get closure. His wife hurt him deeply, and all he can really do is get a therapist to help him heal from all of that.
He’s entitled to his anger, but it’s time for him to focus on the incredible new woman he has in his life and being a great dad to his kids.
Holding on to his bitterness for his soon-to-be ex-wife is only going to wound him further.
What advice do you have for him?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
