Trust is the foundation of a good marriage, but sometimes, a spouse can try to use their trustworthiness to justify some seriously questionable behavior.
How would you feel if your spouse said they wanted to go on a vacation alone to hang out with their online friend of the opposite gender? Would you be supportive or suspicious?
Back in 2009, this 46-year-old man and his 43-year-old wife got hitched, and they have two children who are 8 and 13. They’re excellent communicators and have never had problems with infidelity in their marriage.
Several years ago, his wife began to develop feelings for a mutual friend of theirs, but since she was forthcoming about it, they managed to get past it together.
Two years ago, his wife developed an interest in online gaming and made some new friends over the internet. One of his wife’s new gamer guy friends, named A, and his wife went out to dinner with them last year when they came to their state for vacation.
His wife has since gone on to befriend another man, named B, who knows A, and B happens to be a single guy who’s approximately their age. He lives in a country next door to theirs.
His wife pretty much exclusively plays games online with B now, and their time together extends past midnight. They also talk on the phone a lot during all hours of the day.
His wife doesn’t care if he or the kids are present; she still chit-chats about anything and everything with her friend B.
His wife’s gaming friends made plans to meet up in A’s town later in the year. His wife informed him that he’s not invited to come along, which he does understand, since he’s not into gaming, nor is he a social butterfly, so he doesn’t fit in.
Sign up for Chip Chick’s newsletter and get stories like this delivered to your inbox.
But the plans have since changed, as B no longer has the money to go on that trip. Instead, B invited his wife to come visit him alone (he lives 1,000 miles away from them), and his wife says she’s going, regardless of his feelings on the matter.
“The thought of her visiting a single guy for several days doesn’t sit well with me, and I feel like that’s normal and reasonable. I made that clear, but she accuses me of not trusting her,” he explained.
“But I do trust her, and I can sort of rationalize some of my apprehension away if I try. But if I let her go, I don’t know how anxious, bitter, or resentful I’ll be. Also, I know that if the tables were turned, she would definitely not be okay with me doing the same.”
“She’s admitted this. Another small part of it is the fact that I’m practically the sole income (~95%) and a homebody, but since she is definitely not, she gets to go on a disproportional number of trips and excursions. There’s some resentment about footing the bill for this one.”
“The question: With no history or real suspicion of infidelity, am I wrong for taking issue with her going to hang out privately with a single guy she only knows from the internet? Or should I try really hard to see her as innocent until proven guilty?”
No, he should not be condoning this trip! I don’t think anything good will come of his wife going on a solo vacation to see a single man she spends a lot of her free time interacting with.
His wife is doing nothing to make him feel safe, and married women do not disregard their husbands’ feelings to go hang out with random dudes they meet through the internet. It’s also wildly unfair that his wife admitted she would not be happy if the roles were reversed.
If I were him, I would be reevaluating this marriage, because being married means you make compromises to protect your partner’s feelings, especially when they involve friends of the opposite gender.
Anyway, a divorce will mean his wife is free to go be with her gamer man, because it sounds to me that they’re already having an emotional affair, and meeting him in person will take it further.
What do you think?
You can read the original post below.
By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
