If your spouse initiated a separation, moved out of your house, but still wanted to keep on dating you, how would you feel about all of that?
This 32-year-old woman separated from her 30-year-old husband two months ago. He actually moved out of their house after one of her male friends acted in a way that was inappropriate.
Unbeknownst to her, her husband actually recorded the incident. While yes, she said a line was crossed, nothing happened between her and her friend.
She figured her husband would be gone for a couple of days, but her husband took his belongings and went to stay with one of his friends.
“We have been having marital issues since having kids 3 years ago, and I had postpartum depression. I went to therapy and was told it wasn’t caused by the kids but by the way I had been treated by my husband,” she explained.
“This revealed a lot and made me question our entire 15-year relationship. It was recommended [that] we [go] to couples counseling. He dismissed [it] until a year later, after the [physical closeness] between us was at an all-time low.”
“It was here that he continuously started accusing me of cheating on him. I explained many times it wasn’t him, I just was exhausted and didn’t want [to sleep with him] or at least didn’t want it when he did, etc.”
She got sick of having her husband accuse her of cheating when she wasn’t. She ended up cutting ties with some of her closest male friends to try to appease her husband.
That made her husband say yes to couples counseling, and things improved while they learned how to work on their communication skills.
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But they didn’t dredge up any of the old issues that were weighing on her, and she called that out. Six months after they wrapped up counseling, her husband walked out.
He stated she had to find a new job because the guy who crossed the line with her works at the same place she does. He then demanded that they move to a new house.
The problem is that she’s worked her heart out for her career, and it’s highly specialized, so it won’t be easy for her to find something new.
“Since then, he has voiced wanting to make our marriage work, but I said I don’t understand how it can due to his terms and conditions,” she added.
“Firstly, if I agreed to change jobs, it could take months, and the house moving isn’t realistic since he has zero money, and the current house is mine, and he hasn’t contributed to the upkeep of the house (new roof, etc.). I have given everything to him in my life and have started to build a resentment towards how much he has taken advantage of me.”
“We have spoken about the last issues recently, and he has admitted to me he tried to live a double life, in the way that if he wasn’t with me, he didn’t take my thoughts and feelings into consideration, so he did as he pleased (but never cheated).”
Her husband insisted that he’s tried very hard to fix their marriage within the last two years, but that makes her mad, since he only made an effort when they hit an all-time low, and wasn’t doing that when she begged him to help her while she was mentally struggling.
Her husband recently told her he’s going to keep on living with his friend and will only move back in with her once she finds a new job.
In the meantime, he wants to keep dating her, so she’s worried he’s just trying to have the best of both worlds without helping her with the kids or household duties.
“He gets time and space to himself, whereas I have none. I don’t understand how this would work. I love him, but I’m not convinced this is a reasonable solution,” she concluded.
Yeah, on no planet is this arrangement fair. I’m failing to see why she still wants to be married to her husband, considering the fact that she thinks he’s taking advantage of her, coupled with all of their issues.
He’s manipulating her and putting her financial security at risk. I think it makes more sense to just be done with him and their marriage.
What advice do you have for her?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
