It’s really not every day that you come across narratives from people who have cheated and show a lot of remorse for their actions. Would you have sympathy for someone who started an affair and only appreciated what they lost after getting a divorce?
This man was six years into his marriage and had two kids with his wife when he began his affair.
“I didn’t realize just how good I had it. She was a supportive, loving, kind woman who put [the kids and me] before herself every time, and I didn’t appreciate that,” he explained.
“I felt like she didn’t praise me enough for the things I did for the family, which I now realize was pretty bare bones compared to what she did for us.”
“I felt like we didn’t [sleep together] enough and like my efforts to look good for her weren’t appreciated or reciprocated. I resented how much time she spent with the kids vs. with me. I thought she didn’t put in enough effort to be interested in my hobbies.”
His affair partner was a decade younger when they started cheating. He was 31, and this girl was 21. He loved the attention from a younger girl.
She was not exhausted from chasing after kids, and she fueled his over-inflated ego. He can see now how self-centered he was, but he couldn’t at the time.
He would lie to his wife and say he was going out with his friends or working late at the office, when he was actually hooking up with his affair partner.
His wife trusted him implicitly, and he conducted his affair for close to two years before asking his wife for a separation. His wife wasn’t surprised by this, as she had repeatedly requested that he put more effort into being a dad and being a husband.
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“I refused every time, citing the fact that I was the primary earner and that was enough. But she was upset and asked if there was someone else,” he added.
“I said no, but her suspicions were finally coming up, and she checked my Apple Watch and found everything she needed to know. Even though I’d moved out, I hadn’t filed, but my wife did.”
“She confronted my AP and told her she hoped she would be a good stepmother to our kids, despite her lack of morals. At the time, I thought my wife was out of line and being spiteful. Now I’m alone. AP took those words to heart and realized she didn’t want to be a stepmother in any capacity.”
A couple of months later, his affair partner dumped him. She said she was not in love with him and she never had been; she just loved the attention that he gave her.
Honestly, that was his reason for being invested in their affair in the first place, so it’s not like he could be angry with her for that.
His wife has full custody of their children, and he gets to see them on alternating weekends. His wife has gone back to work and placed their kids in daycare, which he has to foot the bill for, and it’s pricey. His wife and kids got to keep his house, and he lives somewhere new with a roommate.
His wife just wanted him to appreciate her effort and put more attention into their marriage and family, but he was only interested in himself.
He failed to date his wife. He failed to put her first. His 7-year-old daughter asked him not too long ago if he was planning on getting a girlfriend, as her mom has moved on.
He didn’t know his wife was dating at all, but he hopes she finds a man who can give her the world, because he didn’t.
“If you’re in an affair, end it. Block and delete them; if they’re at your job, quit and find a new one. If they’re at a coffee shop, you go to find a different one,” he continued.
“If they’re just a fantasy, stop it and start fantasizing about your future with your spouse. If you’re thinking of starting an affair, do the same, and refocus that energy onto your spouse.”
“I’ve never been more lonely in my life and never been filled with more regret. I wish I had a time machine, and I know she does too, but not for the reasons I do.”
Wow, this is the first cheater I have sympathy for. His words are a cautionary tale, and you rarely see things from this perspective.
It’s heartbreaking to me that he’s an example of you don’t know what you have until it’s gone. It takes an incredible amount of self-awareness to get to the place he’s at now, and I hope he heals and does better in his next relationship.
What do you think?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
