Money is one of the leading factors when it comes to divorce. So if you realized before marrying your partner that you have polar opposite views on money, would that make you think twice about saying, “I do?”
This 24-year-old girl and her 26-year-old boyfriend have been dating for a bit more than five years, and they currently live together.
Not that long ago, she and her boyfriend started talking about marriage and a shared future. But yesterday, while revisiting the topic, she and her boyfriend came to see that they have extremely different beliefs about money.
“My view is that after marriage, both partners should contribute however they can, but I would expect my husband to be able to provide the basic necessities for our family if needed, especially if we have children,” she explained.
“I’m not talking about luxury cars, expensive vacations, or a lavish lifestyle. I mean basic things like housing, food, utilities, and other essential family expenses.”
“My boyfriend believes that expenses should continue to be split 50/50 after marriage. He expects us to split rent, groceries, electricity, maid/cook expenses, dining out, and most other household expenses equally.”
Her boyfriend makes 4.5 times her salary, and they are already equally splitting their expenses. She doesn’t have a problem with financially contributing to their relationship, but sticking to a 50/50 split after getting married makes her uneasy.
If she were to get pregnant, take time off from her job for maternity leave, or have to balance kids and a career, she doesn’t see how she could keep up with paying for half of their living expenses while juggling all of that.
Her boyfriend snapped at her to ask her dad to go find her a rich man to be with, and that was the end of the chat about future finances.
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“That comment hurt me because I don’t feel like I’m looking for someone rich or trying to avoid contributing. I simply have different expectations about how finances and responsibilities should be handled in a marriage,” she continued.
“Now I’m wondering whether this is a normal disagreement that can be worked through or if it points to a deeper incompatibility in our values and expectations for marriage.”
What I don’t find fair is that her boyfriend earns 4.5 times what she does and still thinks she should be paying for half of everything. I only think it makes sense to equally split expenses when you and your partner have similar salaries.
She is looking at marriage as being a team, while her boyfriend is not. It’s unhinged for him to insist that she should equally contribute financially, no matter what, and regardless of whether she has his kids. I mean, what if she gets sick and can’t work? I don’t think he will show her any empathy since he’s not at the moment.
Also, what a weird thing for her boyfriend to say, telling her to have her dad find a rich guy. They are absolutely incompatible, and she shouldn’t entertain marrying him.
What advice do you have for her?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
